


(Un)welcomed

by xbluemist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Frottage, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Hogwarts, M/M, POV Scorpius Malfoy, Pining, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-01-16 03:16:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12334395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xbluemist/pseuds/xbluemist
Summary: Scorpius struggles, Albus wanders, and the truth starts to unveil.





	1. Chapter 1

Surprised at how shaky his breath was, Scorpius sighed heavily. He spent the last approximately twenty minutes leaning against a wall and watching his best friend swaying his body happily, dancing to one of The Weird Sisters' songs with some brown-haired boy. His icy blue eyes observed, with an almost bored longing, how Albus' black hair swirled as he moved, the arm-length locks stroking his face. The slight smirk was there, the same Scorpius was often graced with. Albus' arms were resting on his partner's shoulders, not really wrapped around his neck but nearly so.

Scorpius swallowed the cold, creeping feeling. Again. With each subsequent time he felt more and more sick.

Since he and Al had that poor conversation when Al had revealed the, apparently, freshly discovered truth about himself, the brunette's social life seemed to have stopped focusing pretty much solely on Scorpius – something which hadn't got welcomed with open arms by the blond, much to his own disdain. Albus hadn't actually come out as being homosexual, but Scorpius started seeing him interacting decidedly more with people; specifically, with the male gender.

That quite sudden change made Scorpius generally uncomfortable.

He remembered how he reacted that night when, during one of their usual before-sleep-chats, his best friend confessed to him that he likes boys. Scorpius was almost sure though that the conversation would have never had place if not for the fact that they had poured a certain amount of alcohol in their bodies – a way of relieving the stress-caused tension after another week of hard work in their NEWTs classes.

 

In the bunch of topics they liked covering during those neat chats – or rather, more precisely, that Scorpius liked talking about and Albus liked listening to his rambles, occasionally throwing in some comment and keeping a hand on the wheel of their chats-car, so to speak, as Scorpius had a tendency of getting lost in the many paths his mind constantly wandered on – there wasn't exactly much space for topics of romantic or sexual sort.

When Al suddenly brought up the subject of the slowly upcoming Yule Ball and started his own little monologue on how it could perhaps be nice to try something new this year, as in, go with somebody else than Scorpius, at first Scorpius said nothing, just took a small sip of his drink, oddly disappointed that the familiar warmth it caused did nothing to dissipate the cold feeling in his stomach.

Realising that he didn't get any response from his friend, Al turned to look at him, an expectant stare Scorpius tried to ignore, gazing stubbornly at the liquid in his glass. But then, he cleared his throat and asked quietly, "Try something new, huh? Bored with the good old closeted life?"

Scorpius tried to smile, but all he mustered was an awkward sort of wince as he looked into the big, green eyes watching him closely.

"No." Al shook his head. "I'm just curious how it is... to... you know, be more like others?..." He scratched his head, his usual nervousness showing. "Could be fun, don't you think?"

"Yeah..."

In truth, Scorpius wasn't seeing any light here. He got attached to always being with Al, and going together on Yule Ball every year had become their tradition that they were both very fond of. Scorpius wasn't the most outgoing type, and Al always seemed the same to him. And if that wasn't a reason Scorpius didn't like the idea of them not going together this year also, there was another big factor for his overly deep attachment to Al.

Scorpius wasn't going to deny this to himself for long when he had finally realised, over three years before, the true character of his attachment to Albus Severus Potter.

He could have been hiding his feelings, he could have been trying to push them deep down in the back of his mind for the sake of their friendship. He could keep ignoring the fluttering in his stomach whenever the space between his and Al's bodies became _too small_. He could keep forgetting all the wicked things they were doing together in the lands of his longing mind. He could keep running away from the memories of the days he would wake up to find himself in the mess of his unconscious release. And he could act like any of the more and more frequent wank sessions accompanied by the thoughts of his gorgeous green-eyed friend had never happened.

He could keep doing that. But no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't keep his feelings from growing.

As long as he still had Al in his life, he didn't feel the need to worry too much. His friend was there with him, not going anywhere, not disappearing from his life. He was there. That was all Scorpius needed. And even if keeping their friendship safe meant for Scorpius to never let Al know how deep his love for him was and keep pining for the rest of his days, he could do that. He definitely could do that. He wouldn't want to be a hindrance for Al's happiness, even if that meant letting him go and watching him living a life outside of their own little closet. Without Scorpius.

"So... Do you have your eyes on someone yet?" he asked, relieved that his voice came out neutral.

Al shifted slightly, straightening his back.

"Well, not really. But Gavin Cothi seems like a nice guy to me," he said and took a big gulp from his glass.

Scorpius furrowed his brow. He recognized the name of the seventh year Ravenclaw – Al had mentioned him to Scorpius a couple of times in the past, explaining that they were working together whenever Scorpius would land in Hospital Wing after an accident on the Quidditch pitch (which happened only three times during Scorpius' whole Quidditch career at Hogwarts, which he was secretly proud of). From what Al told Scorpius about the boy, he did seem like a pretty nice guy.

"Uhm... Isn't he... I mean, he's a... he."

He would have probably wanted to bite his tongue for how awkward it came out. But the shock at Al's confession apparently overwhelmed his mind, making him stare wide-eyed at the brunette.

"That's correct," Al said matter-of-factly and took another sip, leaving Scorpius with that.

"So you... So there's no... girl..." He trailed off, his mind empty of any ideas on what to say. Although, he wasn't sure if Al expected any comments.

Al shrugged.

"Yeah, well, you know... I don't think girls actually do that for me. Kinda weird, huh?" He chuckled, but the sound wasn't as warm as Scorpius remembered it to be.

He opened his mouth, trying very hard to think.

"N–no..." he stuttered. "It's not. Not weird. I–uh... Hmm. I think I know what you feel, actually."

As soon as the words crawled out of his mouth, he wanted to swallow them back. And he wasn't sure why, as he didn't say anything wrong, after all. Maybe he was scared that this was some sort of a door-opening step to let his feelings towards Al come out. And he couldn't have that.

"Oh. Do you?" Al leaned forward so that his face was again very close to Scorpius' own, and Scorpius found himself hoping for the excitement in Al's voice to only be an effect of the alcohol he drank.

He hummed weakly in response, salvaging himself with another sip of his drink.

"Wow. Huh, I wouldn't have guessed. Looks like we've both been living in a tight closet, eh?" he joked, poking Scorpius lightly in the side, making him jerk and almost spill the contents of his glass.

"Seemingly so. But I don't have my eyes on anyone," Scorpius rushed to cover the truth threatening to get unveiled. He fidgeted nervously in his spot; he didn't feel like continuing this topic anymore. It wasn't a comfortable ground for him.

"Anyone? Really?" Scorpius nodded stiffly. "Hmm, maybe you should just start looking. You know, open up for new possibilities and all that jazz. Seventh year is quite a thing, would be kinda sad to leave and not at least try to have some fun."

Scorpius sighed. As much as he could agree on that part, the prospect of not being with Al... or even worse – of being alone and watching Al "having fun" with someone else... it caused his stomach to churn, dread rapidly filling every cell in his body.

"Hey, Scorp, cheer up. It's not a big deal. It's still just us... and the whole rest of the world somewhere on the opposite side... We could just start... you know, being more with the world and less against it. And besides, even if there's no one in that big heart of yours yet, doesn't mean it'll stay that way. People change, huh?"

Scorpius' heart jumped when he felt Al's arms sneaking around his torso. Hot breath enveloped his neck as Al's head rested on his shoulder. He swallowed, once again discovering that with each of their subsequent hugs the desire to be _closer_ to Al grew stronger, to the point where they stopped being comforting and turned into moments that tested Scorpius' willpower, verifying how much more he could bear for the sake of staying on the safe ground in their friendship.

How many times already Scorpius wanted to free his feelings from the cage of fear... He was scared that letting them out would cause irreversible damage to the relationship he and Al had. It was deep and it was the most beautiful thing Scorpius had ever experienced. And it was strong. But how strong it _really_ was?

Scorpius had lots of time in the past three years to contemplate the pros and cons of coming out to Al. He went through all the "what ifs". Multiple times. But that didn't help him much. And the best he came up with – more because of his fear than as the product of actual logical thinking – was to just keep quiet about his feelings and enjoy every day he and Al got to spend together. Which, thankfully, was pretty much every single day of the last few years.

Had he grown too attached to Al? Most likely. The fact that he wasn't ever seriously attracted to anyone but his best friend could alarm him. But it didn't. He felt safe with that. He knew Al and Al knew him. There was nothing unknown in their little world. Well, pretty much nothing.

"Scorp?"

Scorpius nearly jumped at Al's voice; he got lost in his thoughts again. And the long silence fell upon them, not exactly comfortable, at least for him.

"Huh? Sorry, my brain's sort of... unwired," Scorpius murmured, tapping his fingers on his almost empty glass.

Al snorted softly.

"Tired?" he whispered, and Scorpius' heart almost exploded at the feel of hot, wet lips nearly touching the skin of his neck.

"A bit..." he breathed, desperately trying to relax.

He could feel Al's breath on his neck, hot and damp, bringing the smell of alcohol. He closed his eyes, willing his pulse to slow down, cursing his inability to act normally around his friend. The air suffocated him; he felt like there was no air at all, only Al's breath stroking his skin.

Then there was a movement, a groan of the bed springs, and Al's warm body was gone. 

Scorpius opened his eyes slowly. Al was now sitting on the edge of the bed, his back turned to him.

"I'll take a shower, I guess," he muttered.

Then he just stood up and went to the bathroom.

Scorpius gaped at the closed door for what might have been minutes. The hum of the water soothed his erratic mind, making him suddenly want to crawl under the covers and let the sleep envelop him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, yet another multi-chaptered fic... Oh well. I seem to have troubles with getting done what I've started, and instead keep coming up with new stories. I hope that this one is at least enjoyable, so far.  
> Let me know what you think!  
> Oh, I almost forgot: any mistakes are unintentional and come from my lack of knowledge of English, as it wasn't my first language. If you see any mistakes, just let me know and I'll fix them.


	2. Chapter 2

Whenever Scorpius reviewed the memory of that night, something indefinable grew in his chest. Their little unveiling chat had happened almost two months ago, and up until now he hadn't experienced the effect of Al's change in a way as overwhelming as he was now, standing in the Great Hall, alone, watching his best friend breaking their tradition of spending Yule Ball together.

Somewhat, it hurt in a much deeper sense than just 'oh well, there's a new thing in my life, one that I'm not very happy with but sure can get used to'. The knowledge that his friendship with Al somewhat stopped being exclusive made Scorpius, in a way, much more upset than one would normally be in such situation.

It was the realisation that somewhere there, between many, many men - in Hogwarts and beyond Hogwarts - might be the one that Al will want to be close to in a way that Scorpius could keep dreaming of being with Al. It was the fear of coming true of the possibility of not being a crucial part of Al's life anymore, of being replaced by someone else. That was what made Scorpius feeling betrayed as he watched his friend, gleaming and full of life as he danced, looking almost unbearably good in his bottle green dress robes.

And Scorpius just stood there, wearing his own, favourite, grey ones, so fair they were almost white, like his blond hair and pale skin. All cold tones. Just like his soul felt, deprived of the warmth Al always managed to ignite in him.

How helpless Scorpius was if he needed Al in his life to be happy? It was just one thing, but such big thing; if it disappeared... Would it be how death feels like?

He went back to their memorable chat again.

Learning that his friend was gay seemed to have ignited various feelings in him, and one of the strongest ones he couldn't help was hope.

Obviously, what Al had said didn't mean that he was attracted to Scorpius. He said he liked boys; and Scorpius was a boy so there was a possibility, a small chance that Al could, maybe, by some miracle, like Scorpius in _that way_ too.

But that was only a distant possibility. Nothing more. They were best friends, and Al liked blokes, and that was it. They were still just friends.

So why did Scorpius feel like there was something more hidden under the surface?

When he remembered that night, the way Al looked at him back then, he wasn't sure.

He wasn't sure because maybe he had only imagined it. Maybe the mere knowledge that Al liked boys made him believe that it meant that Al was attracted to _him_. Maybe it was simply his wishful thinking, projecting his own feelings onto reality.

Scorpius was ever since fully aware that he wanted to be the one who'd ignite deeper feelings in Al. Something more than platonic love. Something more passionate, primitive, heated. And the mere acknowledgement of that wish now made him even more uncomfortable than it did before Al's confession.

They hadn't touched the topic once since then: Al didn't seem to be having any need to talk about it and Scorpius felt too uneasy to try. Which left him feeling disturbingly self-conscious whenever Al was around (which was a lot), and watching how Al begins to spend more and more time with different students, and less time with Scorpius.

Which only made Scorpius anxious and more uncomfortable. Which, in turn, led Scorpius to wonder how much more uncomfortable one can ultimately get and how much longer he himself can live with these feelings.

He never saw Al actually _doing_ something with anybody. But then again, Al stopped spending all his time with Scorpius, and although it still wasn't a huge thing, it made him gradually drown in despair.

He was scared. He was scared that he would lose Al. He was scared that Al would find a new friend whom he would prefer over Scorpius. He didn't think Al could ever leave him – he trusted him, after all – but he couldn't help the dreadful feeling of dark, scathing jealousy whenever Al wouldn't be spending their usual together time with him.

People change as time goes by, Scorpius was perfectly aware of that, but he was even more aware of the fact that he could never live a life without his best friend in it. He couldn't even bring himself to think about it; although in the last couple of months he had more than one opportunity to do it: in library, sitting in their usual spot, but alone; in the Great Hall, watching Al talking to different boys, not really listening, not wanting to; and whenever he found himself alone, in the bathroom or in his bed at night. Even classes and hardcore NEWTs studying didn't help him much to stop imagining all the dark scenarios of him alone, watching from afar how Albus lives a life without him. No matter how much he wanted to believe that it would never happen, that he means too much for Al, he couldn't shake those fears off.

There were moments when he wanted to look Al right in the eyes and tell him that he wants to be with him forever, however cliché that would be. There were moments when he wanted to grab Al's head, press their lips together and kiss him with all he had.

And he had a lot.

But how much did Al have?

He was attracted to blokes. He and Al were quite close; but that was how they always were. Al was always touchy and affectionate towards Scorpius. But that didn't have to mean anything, after all.

And what about Scorpius? He didn't pay much attention to either men or women. Actually, Al was the only person that had ever elicited any stronger, romantic feelings in Scorpius. He had acknowledged his apparent attraction towards his best friend back in his fourth year and although he used to think it to be sort of a phase, something coming from the fact that Al was the only person left in his life, besides his father, that he was actually close to, he soon realised the feelings he harboured for Al were much beyond the line of platonic.

As much as he had despised himself for that for good few months before he finally came to terms with the nature of his feelings, the first time he touched himself he ended up coming with Albus' name in an involuntary groan on his lips, while he was laying on his bed in the safe darkness of his silencing-charms-guarded curtains. After that, he wasn't able to look Al in the face for a solid week without feeling like a dirty piece of trash crashed under one's shoe.

"You don't seem to be enjoying yourself."

Scorpius almost jumped at the familiar voice. He turned his head to see Lily walking over to him.

She looked pretty extraordinary, wearing a knee-length colourful dress-like-clothing, looking more like a part of an outfit from a fairytale rather than a regular dress a witch would wear on a ball. Scorpius immediately realised it was one of Lily's own clothes; she would probably never stop surprising him with her imaginative outfits.

"I guess I don't like parties," he said, taking his gaze off her; she now leaned against the wall, next to him.

"Is that so? If I remember right, you were having a good time last year... and the previous year... and the previous one too. Weren't you?"

She looked at his profile. Scorpius' unseeing eyes were fixed on the floor somewhere on the middle of the crowded dance floor.

"Yeah..." He shrugged. "Maybe I have changed."

"Or," she said in a meaningful tone, "maybe you're just upset because you and Albus aren't spending the night together."

Scorpius looked at her with a frown, feeling his heart speed up.

Lily's brown eyes focused on his and she stared at him as though she could see his bare soul.

Despite himself, Scorpius felt a blush creeping up his cheeks. He shuffled his feet, dropping his gaze at his classy, silver shoes.

He didn't say anything. For some reason, he wasn't able to talk about it.

Well, besides, it felt kinda strange to be talking about his love life with his best friend's fifteen years old sister.

His eyebrows shot up in surprise when he felt a warm hand grasping his.

"Come on, Scorpius. You can't just keep standing here, wallowing in despair. It won't help you any," Lily reasoned, tugging him towards the dance floor.

Scorpius' knees weakened immediately.

"No. No, please," he whined, balking, making her stop, "I really don't feel like dancing right now, Lily."

He looked at her pleadingly, gripping his elbow in kind of a self-hug.

Lily sighed softly and sent him a mild smile, releasing his hand.

"Well then, we could dance here, as well," she said, clasping her hands behind her back.

Scorpius sighed thoughtfully, his eyes wandered over the Great Hall. In that very moment, the song changed to a slower one. Scorpius winced. He spotted Al, who was now waltzing near the corner, this time his hands were settled on a dark-skinned boy with black hair. The grin on Al's face made something hot and sharp appear in Scorpius' chest, the odd mixture of excitement he always felt whenever he saw his best friend smile, and dread, that obnoxious feeling of uncomfortableness.

He shut his eyes and swallowed roughly, tired of the emotional storm in him, not caring that he probably just gave Lily an unmistakable confirmation that she was right.

"Scorpius?" Lily's soft voice was almost inaudible in the general noise of the Great Hall. Her hand rested on Scorpius' shoulder and when he opened his eyes again, the expression on her face was one of sympathy.

He released a breath he wasn't even aware he'd been holding. He felt empty inside.

"I am really not in the mood," he muttered flatly, though loud enough for her to hear.

Lily's hand left his shoulder and she appeared deep in thoughts for a moment, while Scorpius settled onto running his eyes over the room, trying not to stare at anything in particular and looking as casual as he could.

"Fancy a walk, maybe?" Lily suggested, pulling him out of his own thoughts.

He blinked at her.

"A walk?" he asked blankly.

"Mhm. You said you don't feel like dancing and I am not going to leave you here all lonely and cheerless."

Her tone was soft but firm and Scorpius felt the corners of his lips turn slightly upwards.

"Uhm..." he took a slow breath, "Well, I think that could do."

Lily beamed at him, then walked over to the closest table, grabbed a plate of muffins, and returned to him, winking at the sight of his questioning expression.

"They're delicious; have you tried them?"

Scorpius chuckled.

"Not yet," he replied, helping himself to a chocolate one.

Soon, they were out on the school grounds, walking through the paths made from the hedge and decorated with colourful shimmering lights and magical snow.

"I always loved these," Lily whispered, brushing her hand over the leaves. "So neat."

Scorpius couldn't help but agree. As much as he appreciated the fine decorations in the Great Hall and adored the ones all over the castle, his favourite part of Yule decorations in Hogwarts was always the enchanted garden motive on the grounds. He wished it wasn't only for the duration of Yule Ball.

In the previous years, he used to be spending most of the ball's time out here with Al, chatting and playing a childish game of hide and seek. The fond memories reflected in his face in a wistful smile.

"We used to spend most of the previous Yule nights here," he said, not able to stop himself. "Me and Al, I mean."

He grabbed another muffin and bit into it with some desperate aggression. Plum jam. He licked his lips in delight.

"You came with him tonight, right?" Lily asked, finishing her third muffin.

"As always."

There was silence and when he turned his head to see Lily, he met her gaze.

"But this time it's not as it always was."

It was toned like a question but wasn't one.

Scorpius sighed, playing with the sleeve of his suit.

"He's been... kind of more out there... recently."

He took another bite of his muffin, lapping at the jam inside.

Lily chuckled.

"What?" he asked around his mouthful, looking at her again.

"Very classy," she teased, looking at his jam-smeared lips.

"Oh. Yeah, I like doing this. Don't have to always be classy." He shrugged with an amused smile.

"And are you ever?"

Scorpius furrowed his brow.

"Occasionally..." he said, making Lily chuckle again.

She grabbed another muffin, took a huge bite and mimicked him. Scorpius stared at her with a mixture of amusement and fondness.

"Yum," she commented with her mouth full of muffin and jam, making them both laugh.

"Careful there, we don't want you to choke," Scorpius said, patting her on the back helpfully as she coughed.

"Thanks," she muttered, wiping tears from her eyes. "It's hard to keep following all those safety rules sometimes, you know."

They reached a place where a path ended with two benches on both sides.

Lily sat on one, patting the spot beside her. Scorpius sighed, knowing what's about to happen, but complied nevertheless.

Lily cleared her throat.

"So... Why are you not with Al this time?" she asked softly, and Scorpius was thankful she wasn't looking at him; sometimes it was easier for him to talk with people when their attention wasn't fully focused on him.

He chewed on another muffin - this time one with pieces of strawberries inside - thinking.

"We did go together. And we were, at the beginning. Talking and stuff. But then some boy came over and asked Al to dance with him and Al looked at me, I nodded, and, well..." he trailed off, settling onto nibbling at his muffin as the silence fell upon them.

"You really care about him, don't you?"

A heartbeat.

"Yeah..."

Lily sighed, long and slow.

"And you know he cares deeply about you too." She looked at him.

Scorpius' gaze was fixed at the stray leaf on the ground.

"I do." He swallowed, feeling this familiar, overwhelming wave of dread building in his chest.

Lily tapped her fingers lightly on the bench.

"I wasn't aware that he likes blokes," she mused.

Scorpius finished his muffin, swallowing with some effort, and then leaned back on the bench, resting his head on the back of the bench. Stars winked at him. He gazed at them, feeling oddly small and unimportant.

"I knew," he whispered. "He told me a few weeks into the semester."

"And?"

"And... I sort of told him that I did too... and that was pretty much it."

"And there wasn't anything else? No love confessions, no dramatic coming outs to each other?"

Scorpius glanced at Lily; she was smirking.

"Nope. Nothing of that sort."

"But why, Scorpius? Why didn't you just use the opportunity and tell him how you feel?"

"I guess everyone can tell, huh?" he said glumly, not sure whether he liked the idea of the others knowing his so dearly hidden secret.

"Anyone who's not blind, yes."

"I'd hope he'd see it too, then," Scorpius muttered, once again leaning back to stare at the starry sky.

"My brother tends to be unbelievably dense, unfortunately. Otherwise, he wouldn't be wasting time on all those guys."

When Scorpius didn't respond to that, Lily continued.

"Scorpius. You're honestly such a wonderful person, and you were unfortunate enough to have fallen for my dense brother, but you know what? You should just end with that self-deprecating lifestyle and show him that you want to be with him. Take care of _yourself_!"

Scorpius looked back at her, his expression thoughtful.

"Yeah, I know I should. But it's not so simple." He frowned. "Besides, what if he doesn't even want a deeper relationship? What if he simply experiments? What if I ruin everything we have by telling him how I feel?"

Lily sighed, leaning against the back of the bench.

"You may keep asking those questions and never get an answer, Scorpius. _Or_ you may try and see what happens. I know it's not a light matter, but... if you actually try and tell him, the only way it could possibly turn out bad for your friendship would be if he didn't care about you. But he does!"

Scorpius shook his head.

"And what if I tell him, and he isn't interested in me, but will pretend to be, only because he won't be able to say 'no' to me? There's so many possibilities of how it could all go in the wrong direction... But the main thing is, I don't want to push him. It just wouldn't feel fair to me. I mean, if he's happy... then I am too."

"But are you really? Are you truly, honestly happy? Excuse me if I am wrong, but I'd say you look like a complete opposite of happy. Al might be content with how things are, but what about you, Scorpius?"

Scorpius shrugged weakly and voiced what he would come to whenever he'd think about this, "I'd rather keep it the way it is than do something that would make him worry about me".

"You must be the most selfless person I know," Lily said with a mix of wonder and disbelief in her voice. She sighed, defeated. "Well, will be nice to have you as an official part of our family, when my idiot of a brother will finally find his sense and marry you."

Despite the cool air, Scorpius felt the temperature of his body rising by several degrees and couldn't help a small smile from forming on his lips.

"Nice to know you believe in us," he almost whispered, his throat tight with emotions at the mere thought of being a part of Al's life in such a big way.

"I do. And if Al won't get to the realisation soon, I'll take care of that myself. Whether you want me to or not," she said, leaning closer to him and wrapping her arms around him in a heartfelt hug.

Scorpius sighed, hugging her back.

"How long does it take you to make a dress?" he asked casually, stroking the almost unbelievably delicate fabric covering Lily's back.

She giggled and pulled back.

"What, you'd want one?"

"No. Just curious," he shrugged, reciprocating her grin.

"It depends. Magic usually makes things easier and faster, just a few spells and bam! Though it's lots of fun playing with Muggle stuff when I'm at home, too. Mum and dad sometimes help then, so it doesn't take too long either. But I'm a rather messy creator, don't rely on plans too much, so there's often a huge mess in the process, but then, in the end, it somehow turns out to be surprisingly beneficial, you know? It's almost like those dresses live a life of their own – I never know how the ultimate project will look like. Although it's not that simple; I keep changing details even after the dress is finished... It's like a never-ending journey."

Scorpius listened, feeling warmth spreading in him at the brightness of Lily's face as she spoke.

"You really like it, don't you? Will come in handy in the future."

She nodded.

"Yeah, unless I won't come up with something better. But it would be amazing to have my own shop someday..." she said dreamily, her eyes twinkling. "Sooo... Are you going back to the ball?"

And there the light mood had gone.

Scorpius sighed, biting his lip. He didn't feel like spending the rest of the night staring how his best friend has too much fun with other guys – which would most likely be the case if he went back. However, maybe he could find someone who would be willing to dance with him and maybe, just maybe that actually would make Al turn his attention back to him... Or think that Scorpius doesn't mind the situation at all, found new friends too, and they'll end up growing apart.

Scorpius swallowed, not exactly feeling motivated.

"Yeah," he heard himself muttering, not sure where the answer came from.

"Wonderful!" Lily clapped her hands enthusiastically, standing up. She grabbed the plate with muffins. "The last one. Fancy it?" she asked, moving the plate towards him as he stood up too.

He grinned at her, despite the nervousness bubbling in him, then grabbed the last muffin, broke it in half and gave one half to Lily. She smiled, taking it from him.

"Half-way gentleman. Clever. A spark of Slytherin showing, huh?" she teased, elbowing him.

Scorpius laughed silently in response as they started walking towards the castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, those first two chapters were meant to give a background for this fic. I hope it wasn't too boring... or messy (sometimes I kind of lose control when I write and end up creating a mess).  
> It's not going to be a _long_ fic, but I wouldn't want for it to be a short thing either. However, as it's still 'in production', I can't tell how the storyline is going to develop. It's not very ambitious though, a simple 'getting together' little story, so the fic probably won't grow very long.  
>  Alright, so... do you have any thoughts, any comments? It's always lovely to know what you think (even if it's not a positive opinion).


	3. Chapter 3

When Scorpius came back to the ball, he didn't expect things to go so smoothly. It took him maybe a minute after Lily left him with a quick, supportive hug, to spot someone who appeared to be in quite a similar situation to his.

She had huge indigo eyes that he both wanted and feared to stare into for too long; they mesmerized him and seemed to pierce right into his soul. Her shoulder-length hair was black, shiny and thick looking, and he didn't know, yet, if it was as soft as Al's, but it definitely looked nice.

Her name was Kaya and she was a Ravenclaw. Scorpius wondered if that was why her dress was dark blue, but for some reason, he didn't ask.

She kind of intimidated him. She was, basically, a stranger. Same year as him, and they did have classes with Ravenclaws, of course, but he'd never noticed her before.

In truth, he never actually noticed anyone before as his eyes were always only on Al.

But, it turned out, noticing other people was beneficial. For example, thanks to that, Scorpius could now be having fun, someone to talk to and dance with, and stop staring longingly at his friend (although he definitely looked good enough that Scorpius could stare at him all night).

Scorpius had to be the one to initiate the whole thing, but as soon as he came over to the lonely Ravenclaw girl and introduced himself politely, the rest just happened. It turned out that talking to a person wasn't as troublesome as Scorpius would have anticipated it to be. It was actually pretty cool, especially as Kaya appeared to be as much of a bookworm as he was, which resulted in them chatting happily for a good half an hour about the most recent book releases on the wizarding world's market.

And then, finally, Scorpius thought that as talking with Kaya was so pleasant and entertaining for him, they could also utilize the fact that the ball kept on going, and dance.

So they did.

And that, too, turned out to be pretty cool. Even though the song that was currently playing was one of the slowest songs Scorpius had ever heard, and he never liked these. But he didn't feel uncomfortable dancing to one, now, with Kaya; on the contrary – he felt like she really fitted him, kind of like Al though not in the same way of course, but they were very similar mindwise.

Obviously though, as Kaya was a girl and as Scorpius had ever only danced with Al, the mere experience was... rather fascinating.

Where Al was solid and deliciously muscled, Kaya was soft and skinny. She was so slim, so delicate against him, like a nymph. It was... new. In a way. Almost weird. Her waist was quite thin and he could feel the jut of her hip bone under his palm through the fabric of her long dress. Her warm hand felt small in his, her fingers shorter and slimmer than Scorpius'. She wasn't short though; Scorpius was one of the tallest people in Hogwarts, but she was only a few inches shorter than him.

She moved lightly, had a subtle smile on her lips, her eyes danced casually over his face, and Scorpius didn't feel almost at all awkward with her.

Which was quite amazing.

He wondered briefly if that would be the case with any other person he'd get to talk to more intimately than just "hello" or have an exchange on something they were supposed to do together in a class, and thought that he actually could give it a try with other people.

Some other day, perhaps.

For now, all his attention was on the girl that was his current dance partner (well, _almost_ all his attention: his mind stubbornly kept comparing her to Al. A rather ridiculous thing, Scorpius thought; besides, no one could ever compare to Al. Even if he was now at the other end of the Great Hall with some other guys and appeared to have completely forgotten that he left his friend for much longer than "just a dance or two", as it was supposed to be).

He would never have guessed that coming over to a girl and asking "What such a charming girl is doing here alone?" could lead to such a nice night.

But that there was someone in Hogwarts so similar to him? That made Scorpius nearly overly excited. Which, obviously, lead to him babbling about billion different things, from an anecdote from a book he had recently read to the note on how Kaya's dress matched the colour of the Great Hall's ceiling, which was starry night blue dotted with twinkling stars, just like the real sky on the outside.

Chatting with her was different than with Al. Decidedly. Where Al would just mostly stay quiet and let him talk, Kaya was actually participating in the conversation.

Scorpius felt that he found a twin soul. Where it came to mind, at least.

Maybe now he wouldn't be so lonely, even with the limit on the time he got to be spending with Al...

***

Too soon, the night came to an end. The ball was over and everyone was going back to their dorms.

Scorpius proposed that he would walk Kaya to the Ravenclaw tower, but then Al came out of nowhere and it ended up being Al dragging him to Slytherin dorms, seemingly oblivious to the situation. Despite his irritation, Scorpius couldn't help but be glad that he can spend some time with Al now.

"Had fun, Scorp?" Al asked casually, his tone warm when he glanced at Scorpius as they were walking through the crowd. "I'm sorry we didn't spend this ball together... But you weren't too lonely, were you?" He smirked. "Who was that girl you were with?"

Scorpius wasn't going to bet, but there was something odd in Al's tone. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

"Uhm, yeah, I was fine, no need to worry about me. Uh, and it was Kaya. I just met her there, spent some time together. She's really lovely, you know?"

They crossed the common room and entered their dorm. The rest of the seventh year Slytherins were still out.

"And what about you?" Scorpius asked casually, beginning to remove his dress robes.

"Me? Uh, yeah, lot's of fun too."

Scorpius heard a soft rustling of sheets and glanced at Al. The boy sat on his bed, staring at the floor, looking somehow miserable.

"Al?" Scorpius frowned. "Everything's alright?"

Al let out a deep sigh.

"Yeah. Just tired." His lips curved into a mild smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

Scorpius put his robes neatly down in his trunk and grabbed his pajamas.

"Okay... so... you wanna go shower or can I?"

Al shook his head. "No, you can go," he said, his voice still mellow and still with that odd hint of something unidentifiable. He stood up and started undressing too.

Scorpius just nodded and made his way to the bathroom.

Something seemed wrong with Al, he thought. At least, as they would now have Christmas Break and spend it together, Scorpius could figure that out and, hopefully, help Al.

He wanted to, cause the sight of him so clearly upset about something made Scorpius' heart hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh, yeah, a very short chapter... I'll try to add the next one faster; I just have to write it. Cause it's not at all ready.  
> In the last few days I was thinking a bit about the storyline and ended up writing fragments for future chapters, which kind of helped me to organize the whole story in my head. I mean, it's very simple, but before, I only had a very vague idea for it, and now it's much clearer. Which helps.  
> Alright, so, uhm, as always: if you have any thoughts on the story, feel free to share. :)


	4. Chapter 4

If there was something hidden underneath the surface of Albus' behaviour, Scorpius couldn't manage to break through it and reveal it.

For the whole time since the Yule ball, Albus seemed to have forgotten that he was supposed to sulk over Merlin-knows-what for a good couple of days at least – as he was prone to do whenever it would happen that something would make him upset in the first place – and was back to his regular laid-back-bordering-on-glumness self.

Which, although relieved Scorpius, ignited some inexplicable anxiety in him. Cause there still _was_ something that had made the most important person in his heart clearly distressed. And therefore, Scorpius felt naturally compelled to discover what it was. Somewhere deep inside his mind, at least, for he wouldn't dare to even dream of calling the – _apparently_ – no longer existent shadows back out.

And so he set onto revelling in the time spent with Al, celebrating Christmas with him and his own father, content as he was to share, in that special time of the year, those beads of happiness with the people he could call his family.

The New Years's Eve was different, though. Meshed with the childish excitement and anticipation of _crossing yet another passage_ , of leaving the old and welcoming the new with a glass of red wine in his slim, pale hand, there was also that distant feeling of apprehension whenever he looked at his friend.

"Another new year, huh, Scorp?" There was a sigh, long and wistful – or maybe it was just in Scorpius' head, a projection of the mess of emotions that'd been whirling in him for the last couple of months. "And we're here, again... together," Al added, tilting his head back to look at the clear sky that would soon explode with sounds and colours.

Scorpius smiled.

"Yeah... Together." He glanced across the endless patches of trees that surrounded Malfoy Manor, wishing, not for the first time, that they didn't live in such secluded, practically deserted area. He wished he could glance down from the huge roof terrace they were currently on, and see houses and people, see how they live, how they celebrate, how they go outside, out on the streets to enjoy fireworks together, as a big community.

"I'm really happy," Scorpius muttered, not entirely sure why, but knowing that it was honest. He truly was happy. And maybe he could be feeling wistful, somehow lost, yet in that very moment all of that seemed to have sunken deep down inside him, covered by the raging joy of the moment.

Albus looked at him and Scorpius, as if drawn in to him by some magical force, looked back, and in the next second he found himself in the other boy's embrace, hugging him tightly, breathing his unique, warm scent mixed with the fresh breeze of winter and the intoxicating hint of alcohol.

"Five... four..." resounded in Scorpius' ear; his heartbeat accelerated, "...three... two..."

"...one," he whispered, his breath shaky, his fingers tight on the cold glass he was holding.

"Happy New Year, Scorp," Al said softly, disentangling himself gently from Scorpius' arms but keeping him close as they watched the colourful show in the starry sky.

"Happy New Year to you too," Scorpius breathed, resting his head on Al's shoulder. Happiness filled his whole being, like liquid, like potion, like Felix Felicis, and in that specific moment, with Al in his arms, entering the new year with him, he truly felt like the luckiest person in the world.

If only life could always look like that...

***

Back in school, back to work... back to reality. The reality that Scorpius believed was over.

After having the whole week spent with Al, doing everything though nothing really thrilling, he fell into an illusion that his world would never lack Al again. But, as he quickly realised, as soon as the school routine was back, back was also Al's growing interest in socializing.

How much of a bucket of cold water it was for Scorpius...

But nooo, he didn't mind that in the slightest. At least, that was how he tried to present the situation to Al. Deep inside, however, he was even more devastated than before; maybe because he thought that now he'll have Al back and they'll be together like they used to be. Or maybe because he believed that the reason behind Al's temporary depression from those few days earlier was that he wandered away from Scorpius and simply wanted to come back.

Al did seem decidedly more willing to live and do things while he had been back to spending his whole time with Scorpius; as was Scorpius himself. But now, he was doing this again: growing distant, and all Scorpius could (or was brave enough to) do was let him and continue watching him.

What seemed obvious to Scorpius now, though, was that Al definitely didn't look like he was actually living the kind of life that he wanted.

Or maybe it was just Scorpius' blighted by longing imagination.

***

"You really should start fighting, you know. Go and defend what's yours instead of just sitting here, pretending that everything's perfectly fine."

At the short speech delivered to him in a bright voice that pulled Scorpius abruptly out of his deep concentration, he snapped his head up to see Lily holding a pile of books and eyeing him with one of her eyebrows risen.

"I'm... studying?" he replied in a small voice and held up his book, his own eyebrows rising in question.

"Aren't you always?" She rolled her eyes. "What about Albus?"

Scorpius blinked, feeling as though he'd missed something important.

"Um... I don't know, what about him?" he asked, not exactly understanding what Lily was on about.

She shuffled her feet, giving him a pathetic look.

"Now, who am I to be questioned here, huh? You're the one to know, given that you've had him all to himself for the last week."

There was that odd, distant hint of superiority in her tone that made Scorpius feel oddly inadequate, all the more so that she was, after all, two years younger than him.

"Yeah, well, we had lots of fun. As usual. Good old friendly times. Nothing new," he said dryly. If Lily was expecting an announcement that he's actually going to become her brother-in-law in the near future, she was doomed to disappointment.

A loud sigh was all he got as a reply.

"Welp, sorry, Lils." He shrugged, not even trying to hide his own disappointment about the turn of events between him and Al. "Now, if you want to talk, just come over here and sit down; those books look rather heavy."

"Well, they rather have to; OWLs, yeah? They're gonna be my company for the next couple of hours at least," she muttered, visibly deflating. She pursed her lips before asking in a timid voice, "Are you very busy?"

Scorpius gave her a quizzical look. "Not really," he replied finally.

"Oh, good." She beamed at him, adjusting the books in her arms. "You look like you could use some company."

Scorpius just watched as she puts the books down on the table in front of him and collapses gracelessly on the chair on his right. Understanding the implication, he closed his own book with a quiet thump and leaned forward, placing his elbows on the table.

"Alright, so what it is that you need help with?"

***

As they were gradually going further into the year, Scorpius' general anxiety grew bigger and bigger.

The perspective of soon having to sit his NEWTs wasn't, however, his only worry. Although he was spending every waking hour surrounded by books. Not because he desperately needed to, though, rather just because that was the only thing he felt true passion for; well, right after spending time with Al. But because Al didn't exactly seem like intending to come back to the cosy, antisocial closet with Scorpius, books and studying were all that Scorpius was left with.

If not for the lack of Albus in it, he would be perfectly content with the situation.

But one day, the lack of Al stopped being the only issue Scorpius was struggling with. Because not long into March, after his daily study session in the library, on his way back to the Slytherin dorms, he stumbled upon no one other than his friend. His friend who, apparently, thought that snogging the living daylights out of some bloke is a better way to spend his evening than studying for his NEWTs with Scorpius.

Time seemed to have stopped. Scorpius' eyes remained glued to the sight in front of him. The darkness of the otherwise vacant corridor prevented him from seeing much, but the person that was being pressed against a wall by a tall, slim, unmistakably male figure, was definitely Albus Potter. Scorpius would recognize him everywhere.

Although, in that very moment, he wished he didn't have that skill, for the realisation of what his friend, the boy he'd been pining after for years, preferred over Scorpius just hurt too much.

He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't going to pour salty tears over his unfortunate crush. He wasn't going to wallow in pine just because he saw the person who stole his heart being _close_ with someone else. And it didn't upset him in the slightest that _that_ was what Al meant when he said that he had something important to do when Scorpius had asked him if he wants to study together.

Suddenly, the darkness got even more dark as something hot and wet filled his view, blurring it, then rolled down his cheeks.

Stupid body; not listening to him. 

He turned the other way and continued walking, blinking furiously, trying to swallow the lump that grew in his throat. His chest felt tight, his breath shook, his fingers tightened their hold on the books he cradled in his arms. He walked through corridors, feeling everything and nothing at the same time. The sizzling despair mixed with rage and kept boiling in him, forcing tears to flow; and there was nothing that he could do for it.

Not sure how, he soon found himself safely in the seventh years' Slytherin dorms. Which was being occupied by his dormmates; but they didn't even bother to glance at him when he walked through the door, too busy chatting with each other about things Scorpius didn't care to be curious about. He marched over right to his four-poster, put his books down on his nightstand and flopped down onto the bed, spelling the curtains drawn. He shut his eyes tight, the hurt burning in his chest.

Well then, he thought, if Albus didn't want to spend time with him, he wouldn't bother him again anymore.

Good thing was, there was still Lily, who would sometimes accompany him in his studying. Or, more specifically, ask him for help with this or that – and Scorpius would always gladly share his knowledge, even if there was a pile of his own essays waiting for him to be written. But he always managed to do his work on time for he didn't do pretty much anything but study.

Ah, studying... His great love. The love that would never let him down.

Recently, he also started spending lots of time with Kaya, as she turned out to be as much of a study nerd as him and so now they often spent time in library, studying together, much to their mutual benefit.

It was nice to have someone like Kaya or Lily. Friends, Scorpius considered them. But he couldn't help but crave for the times, when Al was the one to sit with him with books and do homework, to be back.

He just really missed that old Albus: the Albus that was always there for him, exclusively.

Maybe Scorpius should have been more possessive of his friend. Should have let him know that he wasn't neutral to Al's newly discovered tendency to not be spending time with Scorpius.

But, on the other hand, Scorpius knew that even if jealousy and fear of losing Al completely would continue eating him alive, he still wouldn't act on his feelings. He could never bring himself to do something that would compromise Al's chances for happiness.

And right now, he despised himself for that. Because being such non-demanding friend brought him to that ugly place where he was right now: crying silently in his pillow, wallowing in his pathetic pining after his friend. Who, as it seemed, wasn't very interested in being Scorpius' friend anymore. Today's night only reassured Scorpius in that sad conclusion that had been drifting somewhere on the distant surface of his mind for a while.

How long he'd been laying like that, mourning over his – apparently – lost friendship, Scorpius didn't know. Next thing he knew, someone was shaking him gently, a soft, very familiar voice calling his name.

He opened his eyes groggily, blinking at the face hovering over him, green eyes staring back at him, sleepy but bright.

"Good morning, sleepyhead. Time to get up. Classes start in thirty."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me a while to sit down and finally write this chapter. Been having terrible writer blocks. But, there it is, the next chapter; hopefully it's not as cheesy to you as it seems to me. Honestly, I've no idea what happened to my writing.


	5. Chapter 5

If Scorpius thought he had been having problems with concentration during classes before, now he was facing a monster-big-problem. Not only he had almost turned his Memory Potion into a useless pulp by forgetting to intensify the flames under his cauldron half-way in, so wayward his normally cooperative mind had been, but also this time, Albus, with whom he'd been partners since first year, seemed to be having some serious personal issues too.

Scorpius breathed a sigh of relief as his potion gurgled lazily, dirty purple slowly turning into clear violet.

Maybe he wasn't doomed to a P on this one, after all. _Just focus, Scorpius, focus!_

It wasn't a big help that he kept hearing strings of curses ocasionally flowing from Al's lips.

_Merlin, his lips._

If they weren't the centre of at least fifty percent of the thoughts that'd been swirling in Scorpius mind...

No matter how silly it was, Scorpius couldn't avert his mind off them. And the memory of the previous night's discovery regarding his friend's new favourite way of spending his spare time only weighed Scorpius' pining heart down.

"No way!"

Scorpius' head snapped at Al's distressed voice. He heaved a sigh at the sight of the contents of the other boy's cauldron, now resembling soured milk rather than a clear liquid it was supposed to be.

Al ran a hand through his slightly sweaty hair, groaning tiredly. He looked up, his eyes surveying the class until it landed on their Potions teacher, now a few tables away, apparently checking on their work so far.

Scorpius checked on his own potion, relieved to see it bubbling happily. He glanced back at Al, who had Evanesco'd the wasted potion and was now staring at the empty cauldron, biting his lip nervously, looking deep in thought.

Scorpius frowned. There wasn't much time left until the end of class so even if Albus would try his hardest, he wouldn't be able to save the previous almost two hours of work. But! Maybe there was a way out for him. Scorpius grabbed a clean flask from his desk and carefully filled it with the potion from his cauldron. He then turned to Al, who eyed him with confusion written on his flushed face.

"Um, Scorp... What are you doing?"

"Trying to help you," Scorpius explained softly, pouring the potion from the flask into the cauldron. With a whispered spell, the sample of potion turned into a cauldron worth of liquid. Quick work on the temperature of the flames, and the potion looked ready to go. "There," Scorpius breathed. "Now keep the flames going for two minutes and it should come out alright."

When he looked up at Al and saw a bright smile on his face, he only realised that he hadn't seen it for... a long time. A very long time. And, well, he really did miss it. The fluttering in his stomach spoke loudly in that matter.

"Thanks. 'S not the first time you're saving my arse."

"Nor the last, huh?" Scorpius grinned.

There was a somehow awkward silence then, before they both returned to their respective work.

***

For the rest of the day, Scorpius couldn't get rid of the feeling that something was wrong with Al. There weren't any more incidents during their subsequent classes, but he looked like a puppy that someone had yelled at and kicked outside the door. His behaviour was off too, as though he wanted to shrink, blend in with the wall, disappear. He kept shooting stealthy glances around himself, as if expecting someone to suddenly come and attack him. When Scorpius had asked him what happened, he dismissed him, saying that he's just very tired. Scorpius thought that he could have at least put some more effort into his lie.

If Scorpius had been feeling like his heart broke and started bleeding the previous night, he didn't let it show. He could have been angry at Al, could have felt disappointed and betrayed, yet... he couldn't help but feel happy at the sight of Al's bright, honest smile, back at Potions. It had stirred something in him. Something undefinable, something warm yet cold at the same time. It was like seeing the sun setting after a stormy day: there was this warmth but there was also an awareness that the sun would soon set and the night would come.

Fear. There was fear in Scorpius. A new kind of fear. Fear that he could never see that smile again.

And maybe it was irrational, Scorpius wasn't sure. He stopped being sure of anything. He just settled onto simple being, enjoying what he had.

Which, with this new Al, wasn't as easy as it used to be. Because this new Al seemed to belong to another world now, seemed... closer to a stranger rather than to a friend. It was killing Scorpius, slowly but effectively, to having to admit that.

 

Sitting next to Al and eating his dinner, Scorpius found himself surveying the Great Hall with his eyes, subconsciously looking for the boy he had seen Al with the previous night. Upon the realisation of what he was doing, he bit his lip and frowned, dropping his gaze onto his plate.

The food didn't taste as good as usual.

***

Scorpius hadn't asked Al directly if he wanted to study together this evening, but had let him know clearly that he was welcomed to join him, should he want to. However, that evening, just like the previous ones, Scorpius spent in the library only with Kaya, studying.

Or rather, trying to study. His mind seemed impervious to his passion for learning and kept dancing around Al, conjuring decidedly not at all helpful images of him and some anonymous boy pressed tightly together in a dark corridor.

He sighed. And then realised he'd been staring at the same word in his book for the last couple of minutes. _Again._

This was useless. His mind was useless. _He_ was useless.

His chest and stomach felt like it had been filled with stones, cold and heavy, leaving him deprived of any ounce of will for living.

Everything hurt. Everything seemed to be reminding him of Al. Every single moment he hadn't Al right next to him felt like drowning in freezing blackness; in void. And every single moment he _was_ with Al, caused his mind and body to go crazy; he hadn't been recognizing himself.

It was sick. An obsession.

Was he obsessed?

Lovesick?

Crazy?

Out of his mind?

It was like being trapped in a web of... of stifling longing and despair and scathing jealousy... and overwhelming fear.

Every breath felt like it was forced, his chest tight with growing pain.

He couldn't keep living like that, for Merlin's sake.

"You're sighing a great deal today."

Snapping out of his trance, Scorpius turned his head to see Kaya looking at him, her big eyes soft but scrutinizing.

He dropped his gaze to his lap and bit his lip. Kaya had been noting on his dull attitude several times before, but each time he would simply say that he was tired. Such a convenient lie... But this time, apparently, his mental anguish was too clear.

"It's nothing," he said, adding a shrug for a good measure, though almost certain that that wasn't going to cut off the conversation.

"Are you sure? It doesn't take much to see that you're definitely not at your best." Her voice was soft and Scorpius could feel her eyes on him, but he just frowned and kept staring at his lap.

To tell or not to tell? He didn't feel like talking his pathetic love life, with anybody. He didn't want to share that piece of himself. The only one who knew was Lily, but apparently she had figured it out herself.  
Scorpius wasn't looking for a shoulder to cry on; he didn't need to make himself look even weaker than he felt.

Truthfully, right now, he didn't feel like doing anything at all. He just felt... empty. Like a dried leaf fallen from a tree, carried by the wind... and what was his purpose?

He didn't know. He stopped knowing. Stopped caring. Stopped wanting to care.

Or maybe, that was what his mind made him believe. Maybe somewhere deep down there still was the old, happy Scorpius...

Whether there was or not, now he'd been gone.

Maybe it wasn't going to last for long... Maybe... maybe someday sun would be back in Scorpius' world. For now, night was prevailing, dark and cold. And all Scorpius could do was to simply be; and hope for his sun to come back.

For Albus to come back.

He rubbed his face with his hands, drawing in a slow, deep breath.

"Yeah, I'm not feeling very well," he said on an exhale, raising his gaze to fix it on the nearby bookshelf.

"Want to call it a day, then?"

He looked back at Kaya and, judging by the softness in her eyes as she was eyeing him carefully, he thought he must have looked really pathetic. Even though he didn't want anybody's sympathy – that could possibly only push him further into the swamp of his depression – he appreciated that she wasn't pushing him. 

Besides, there really wasn't much sense in denying that tonight he wasn't going to do much more. Might as well simply give all that up and go to bed early.

"I guess," he said with a half-hearted nod, managing to lace his voice with some emotion, despite the consuming emptiness.

He began packing his books, parchments and quill, resigned. That he was simply giving up, only deepened his sullen mood: he didn't even try to fight. And what was he going to be doing anyway? Continue wallowing in the endless madness of his pining? Trying to fall asleep for hours until he'd finally get so exhausted with himself that he'd just let go and drift off into the unknown lands of his dreams?

The dreams that, since some time, started revolving around Al.

He stood on slightly shaky legs, throwing his bag on his shoulder.

"Um..." he frowned, looking at Kaya questioningly as she stood up too, her bag in her hand.

"I'm not going to ask if you want company. But you might tell me if you don't," she said, looking at him expectantly. Scorpius only shrugged, finding it oddly hard to form sentences; as though even the energy for such simple task was gone. "Alright. Let's go then."

And so they did.

One of the things Scorpius liked about Kaya was how not-intimidating she was. At the beginning, it was slightly difficult for him to be around someone other than Albus, but then, as time went by, he got used to Kaya's company and she had this undefinable something in her that always managed to put him at ease. He didn't feel judged or like an outsider with her. Probably mainly because Kaya herself was very much like him: kind of on a society's periphery.

But also, he had one day realised, she reminded him somewhat of his mother. And not only in her looks (though she was quite similar looking, indeed), but in the way she acted. There were many differences, granted. But on some levels, he saw his mum in the blue-eyed Ravenclaw girl. It was comforting.

And quite fascinating, the way she seemed to understand him in many areas.

He had once or twice wondered why she was such a loner; she seemed to be able to understand people much better than most. Himself included.

They walked in peaceful silence, and Scorpius found himself feeling a bit better than minutes before, in the library. It was almost as though just being with Kaya – not studying (or trying to), just simply _being_ – soothed him. Not exactly healed the emotional pain, but made him less sensitive.

And even though he still couldn't stop thinking about Al, for the first time in a while he felt somewhat less lonely. Like there actually was someone with him, not just next to him, but truly _with_ him.

Even though it was as simple as mere _being_.

"Thanks," he said, as they found themselves in front of the wall leading to the Slytherin common room.

He turned to Kaya and managed a soft smile, which perhaps wasn't too enthusiastic, but was no doubt honest.

"No problem at all," she replied with a warm smile herself. "Just let yourself do what needs to be done, and feel better. I'm gonna be in the library. Tomorrow too. As always. So whenever you'll feel like studying together, feel free to come."

Scorpius nodded.

"Thank you again. I appreciate that, really. Well, have a good, um, evening, then," he finished sheepishly, feeling oddly human-like. Which was quite... liberating – to feel something other than darkness.

"You too," she said, and then, with a short wave of her hand, turned back and started walking down the corridor, most likely back to the library.

Scorpius let out a long sigh, feeling less heavy than he'd been feeling for the last couple of hours, before turning towards the wall and saying the password.

The common room wasn't empty but wasn't crowded either. Scorpius allowed himself a look over it in a distant hope of finding Al. But Al wasn't there.

Probably for the better, Scorpius thought, though with a pang of sadness in his chest.

Once in their dorm – which, in turn, was vacant – Scorpius dropped his bag next to his bed – the thud loud like a thunder in the otherwise quiet space – and plopped down on it, finding unexpected comfort in the soft fabric of the duvet. He buried his face in it, inhaling deeply. After a few more inhales he thought he'd really gone crazy, cause he'd swear he could feel Al's unique smell feeling his nostrils.

Wait.

He pushed himself up on his arms, frowned at the emerald-green duvet he was laying on, and lowered his head again, taking another long inhale.

The duvet _did_ actually smell like Albus.

But how was that possible? Albus wasn't sleeping in this bed. Right? It _was_ Scorpius' bed that Scorpius was currently laying on, wasn't it?

Scorpius glanced at the nightstand. Yes, it was his nightstand. And so it was his bed.

So why did it smell like Albus?

Or was it maybe just Scorpius' mind playing nasty tricks on him?

Sighing, yet again, Scorpius closed his eyes for a moment, trying desperately not to think.

But even if he wasn't thinking per se, his mind kept conjuring images of Al's face. It was as though he had Al permanently embedded in his brain.

Alright, he had to find something that would at least partially let him get Al off his mind. Something... something... But what?

And then, as if someone threw it in his head, an idea popped up in Scorpius' overwrought mind: flying. He could go on the Quidditch pitch and fly this dark ocean of pine out.

He wasn't in the team, used to be for three years, but then decided to drop off for his seventh year because of his (apparently "just slightly overdosed", as Albus stated once, when Scorpius had told him he treasured his school career over his Quidditch career) ambitions regarding NEWTs; but he still did have a broom and loved to put it to a good use and fly sometimes.

And today felt like a perfect opportunity to do that again.

Yeah, maybe... maybe that would turn out to be what he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, at least a little bit. Let me know what you think. I would appreciate any comments, any words of advice.


	6. Chapter 6

As soon as Scorpius walked onto the Quidditch pitch, he realised that his brilliant idea to drop all his emotional issues by losing himself in the freshness of the sun set's spring air... was not so _brilliant_ after all.

The mere sight of the pitch with the tribunes towering around him immediately and inevitably awoke memories. The memories of all the previous times when he was here. Training. Playing. Going for the win. And almost every single of those times knowing that Al was sitting on the tribunes, watching him fly, cheering for him and wearing his throat away, rooting for him enthusiastically whenever he was about to score a goal. 

And then, there would always come a fierce hug, whether thing would go well or not. Never it would fail to cheer Scorpius up after a failure; and if he'd hop off his broom with a smile of triumph on his face, Al's hug would only intensify the sheer ecstasy in him.

Then, Al would come to the locker rooms with him and wait for him, so that they could go back to the castle together.

Finding himself distantly wandering if Al would be here now to watch him if he knew that Scorpius went flying, he heaved a sigh. 

There was no way he'd disentangle himself from the web of his painfully insistent feelings. Apparently, he really was doomed to be remembering Al at every little point of his life. 

Gripping the broom tightly, as if working on an automate, not entirely aware of his actions, he straddled the shaft and shot into the air. He closed his eyes against the almost overwhelming thrill of excitement that rushed through him, reawakening every single cell in his body. 

It might not have been the _most_ brilliant idea, granted, but it was no doubt infinitely better than staying in bed for the next couple of hours, till he'd fall asleep. 

Though, why even his bed just _had to_ make him think of Al...

But never mind that anymore! Not now. _Now _Scorpius was going to milk as many emotions off himself as he could.__

__And everything _might_ have been reminding him of Al, let it be, he couldn't fight that; but at least there was still something that could bring up this wonderful flame of passion in him._ _

__There and then, in the cool air of mid-march, with the sun setting slowly just right above the tips of the trees of the Forbidden Forest, Scorpius felt alive again._ _

__It truly did feel _magical_._ _

__

____

***

Walking back to the Slytherin dorms, sweaty and tired, with broom in hand, Scorpius was grateful. For nothing specific; simply grateful. Such undirected gratefulness was an almost crazy feeling. Especially considering what Scorpius had been going through recently.

But that was the magic of flying for him: it always helped him clear his mind and squeeze anxiety off him, at least mostly.

When he opened the door to the seventh years' dorm, however, his heart immediately regained the weight that he had managed to lose in the air. Al was there, kneeling in front of his trunk, apparently searching for something.

Scorpius distantly hoped Al wouldn't notice him, which was a rather silly hope, and quite immature, at that. But then Al turned his head and immediately spotted Scorpius standing at the door, frozen, like a deer caught in the headlights. His eyes went wide for a moment and he shut his trunk closed, perhaps a bit too hastily, if Scorpius might add.

"Oh, hi Scorp. You've been flying?"

If Al was in any way troubled by Scorpius' unexpected presence, his voice didn't show that at all.

"Yeah..." he said warily, not exactly eager to elaborate.

"Mmm," Al hummed, a soft smile suddenly blooming on his face, as though it got graced by a sunray. "I wish I could've watched you. Always loved doing it, remember?"

Scorpius cleared his throat, trying to decide whether he wanted to voice his feelings regarding Al's desire to watch him fly yet reluctance to study together, or was it better to shove them down and pretend that everything was perfectly normal.

Well, he could do that; pretend. But things weren't exactly normal. And, honestly, Scorpius was simply getting exhausted.

"Yes, I remember. You were even on every match. You used to like doing things together a lot, if I recall correctly."

Scorpius' tone was dry but he couldn't help but feel longing for the good old times when he and Al were literally constantly around each other.

A foreign, cold satisfaction filled Scorpius at the sight of Al's face falling.

"Hmm..." 

He dropped his gaze on his lap and Scorpius felt suddenly annoyed.

"Albus, can we talk?"

Al's eyes were back on him in an instant, and Scorpius knew that Al was aware that the lack of nickname indicated something serious coming.

"Is there something important to talk about?"

Scorpius blinked, then frowned, and finally, came over to where Al was sitting on his bed, putting his broom down on his bed on his way.

"Yes. You," he said, mentally praising himself that he managed to keep the emotions that started boiling in him from showing. 

"What's up with me?"

The indignant snort just _needed_ to escape Scorpius' lips.

"Seriously? _You_ are asking me this? Albus, I..." He took a deep breath. It was a good opportunity, he could use it wisely, and maybe, just maybe, he'd finally learn what stood behind Al's growing distanciness. "I see that something's wrong. Clearly. You might use your poor lie again and tell me that you're simply tired," he gave Al a pointed look, "but it's not gonna work. If you don't want me to know, or to help... then that's okay. I'll just have to respect that, I guess. But do know, Al, that I am still your friend, even if your mind in that matter is different," it hurt. It hurt to even let such possibility occur in his mind, "and do know that I care about you. I really do."

_Maybe even a bit too much..._

Al wasn't looking at him anymore; his face was obscured by his longish hair, his eyes on his lap.

Scorpius waited patiently, with his heart beating and his hands sweating, resisting the natural urge to twist them in his shirt. 

"I'm not sure what's going on," Al raised his head, now staring somewhere on the wall, "but it's nothing worth worrying about. Really. I'm just trying to figure things out and... you know, sometimes it's kinda tricky. I'm glad that I have you... " Al swallowed and Scorpius had a fleeting feeling that there was something in Al that desperately wanted to be released; and he desperately wished for Al to let it out, "but it's just... it's different. It's... Just, trust me, okay? I promise I'm gonna be fine."

If anything, the answer only concerned Scorpius more. 

"Can you at least look at me?" he asked weekly, tired of being kept in the closet and feeling like the whole world knows something that he doesn't.

It felt like an eternity but really was only a second or two before Al turned his head and met his eyes with a soft smile.

And even though there was clearly something off with the expression on Al's face, Scorpius couldn't help but smile back. Al's smile was magic, no matter what. 

And, not differently than every previous time when he'd seen it, he felt the urgent pull towards the other boy, the need to wrap his arms around him in a fierce hug... or at least hold his hand; simply _touch him_. His body actually ached from the lack of contact. 

So he just let it dominate him and in the next moment, he found himself with an armful of his friend. 

Who hugged him back with maybe a second of hesitation. The hug was so tight, in fact, that Scorpius distantly feared that his ribs would crush. 

But screw that. It was marvellous nevertheless.

He wanted to _cry_ , so overwhelming was the relief from having Al's arms around him like that, like it hadn't been for... a long while, it felt. 

A really, painfully _long_ while. 

Probably, the last time was in the New Year's Eve.

Scorpius allowed himself a deep breath, inhaling the warm, characteristic scent, letting it soothe his emotional exhaustion, at least partially.

He really could spend the rest of his life like this and he'd be the happiest being in the world. It didn't seem like Al was going to pull away anytime soon either.

And now, it definitely didn't feel like a usual platonic kind of hug. Even less so than all the previous ones they shared, each saved and cherished in Scorpius' memory. 

Scorpius just wanted this to last forever and ever and beyond. He wanted to kiss Al, he wanted to tell him how angry he was and how much Al's well-being means for him, and how much he loves him and that he will love him to his very death. He wanted to hold him and have him all to himself, protect him from the bad world. He wanted to love him and be loved, be held, be kissed, but...

Hugging was all he could get.

And if that was so, then so be it; he was going to enjoy it to the very last second of it.

The insistent urge to press himself tighter against Al and do all the things he craved to do for so long was almost too hard to fight, but somehow, he resisted it. He had to, for while fierceness most definitely wasn't new to them, he wasn't sure if he'd manage to restrain himself from doing something inappropriate should the level of intimacy of their current hug rise.

"Scorp?"

Al's whisper broke the silence. The silence that seemed peaceful but felt buzzing with energy, as though their minds were trying to subconsciously communicate. 

Oh how _badly_ Scorpius wished they actually could.

"Hmm?"

Scorpius heard Al swallow and when he spoke again, his voice sounded unexpectedly thick.

"You aren't mad at me, are you?"

Scorpius' heart stung.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we're not spending every waking hour together and..." he trailed off and Scorpius could almost imagine him biting his lip with distress painted on his face in characteristic lines Scorpius seemed to have been seeing more and more lately.

He thought. He wanted to let his feelings out right then, so badly that his insides actually boiled, burned and prickled, the last ounces of freedom and lightness after having spent the last couple of hours in the air evaporating rapidly. But he couldn't bring himself to do that. As always in such situations, something simply _wouldn't let him_. 

It was as though Scorpius' feelings were caged, closed behind the door or shoved inside a dark closet; and he sometimes wondered what would turn out to be the key...

"Of course not. I'm not elated, granted, but I don't mind. Really. As long as that's what you need, what you truly want, I'm going to be there for you."

"Thanks," Al whispered, the sound oddly strangled again. "I'm... I just wanted... If you are not okay with something, just say a word. Alright? I do care about you too, you know."

Al's hand stroked Scorpius' back leisurely and Scorpius hardly suppressed a shiver of delight. 

"No, for real, it's fine," he insisted, swallowing the truth that seemed to be creeping up his throat.

It really wasn't, but of course, he couldn't let Al know that. 

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked, pulling back reluctantly, wanting to see the brunette. There was a surreal feeling in him that if he did that, Al would just disappear, like a mere illusion, like he'd do in his dreams sometimes, when Scorpius would pull him just close enough to kiss. 

But the action was done and Al was still here.

Scorpius would have laughed at his own silliness, if not for the expression on the other boy's face.

"Yes. Just going through some stuff, but nothing serious. It's silly, really. You know, just me being me." 

Al gave a small smile, but Scorpius could see all too well that his eyes were watery and not as expressive as they tended to be. He wanted nothing more right then than to know the reason behind Al's emotional condition, he wanted to be able to do something for him... he wanted to know that there still _was_ something that he could do for his friend, that he was still able to help him, like a good friend should be.

He just... just wanted to feel needed. He wanted to feel that he was still indeed a part of Al's life. An important part. As much as Al himself was a crucial part of Scorpius' life.

Still, he didn't want to pry on Al, so he just responded with a soft, "Alright," accompanied by a weak smile of his own, before (really, _very_ reluctantly; but oh well) standing up and walking over to his own bed to grab a few things necessary for a shower. 

"You don't miss it? Quidditch, I mean."

Scorpius glanced up at Al from over his trunk; the other boy was now sitting with his legs crossed, watching him with neutral expression.

Scorpius bit his lip, already missing the emotions on his friend's face.

"A bit. But I'm keeping my opinion still: NEWTs are more important." He smirked at Al, and then the words just spilled from his lips, "You wouldn't want to study together some day? We've got, what, a little over two months."

Al frowned. 

"Actually... yeah, I could use it, I guess." He smiled, a rather unsure gesture, but causing Scorpius' heart to flip. 

"Oh." He closed his trunk and stood, his pajamas and towel in hand. "So, tomorrow?" he suggested, trying to not sound too excited; it _wasn't_ such a big deal, after all. Or, well, maybe it was for _him_ , lover of studying as he was.

"I guess... I'll let you know, alright?"

Scorpius furrowed his brow; why couldn't Al tell him now? Did he have something in his plans already?

Well, yeah, stupid question. He'd been having something in his plans _all the time_ lately.

"Uhm, yeah, fine. I'll be in the library anyways, so..." He nodded awkwardly, the excitement gone, anxiety rising. 

And shower never helped him much with his emotional storms, unfortunately.

***

All there was, all that Scorpius could see, existed in a cold, blue room. A poorly lit room. With walls swirling round and round as though some big, eerie carousel.

All there was, seemed bizarre. Crazy. Out of place. 

Yet so familiar at the same time.

"What are we waiting for?"

A figure appeared out of nowhere, tall and dark, but it took Scorpius a mere second to recognise it as his best friend.

"Why are we waiting?" he asked.

He glanced at the swirling walls. Were they even walls? Maybe there was just air... the sky... Or maybe it was liquid of sorts?

"You tell me. I don't want to wait anymore than necessary, Scorpius. You should decide. What do you want? What keeps you waiting?"

"I don't want to risk," Scorpius found the words falling from his lips.

He watched Al analytically. His emerald eyes were gleaming almost devilishly in the increasing darkness. He was approaching Scorpius in slow, lazy steps.

"Risk. So it's better to sit in that trap? Forever, maybe? _Just because_ ," something shifted in Al's eyes, as if they had been distant and now focused solely on Scorpius', "you are too much of a coward to show your truth." His lips curved into a sneer. "Isn't that a waste? Your whole life you'll be angry at yourself. You'll go mad. And the last thing you'll ask yourself," he dropped his voice to almost a whisper but Scorpius could hear him as good as though his lips were just next to Scorpius' ear, even though he stopped now and stood at least ten feet away from him, "will be 'why didn't I do anything when there was still time?'"

A breath. A heartbeat. A blink.

"Time is here. And now. Just for you. Why don't you ask, Scorp?"

"I..." Ask? Ask. What was he supposed to ask for? What did he _want_ to ask for? "Please, come to me," he said finally, his voice breaking.

"Why?" was Al's curious answer.

Was he really curious? He seemed to have already known that...

"I just want... I want to have you close," Scorpius admitted, feeling as if something unpleasant escaped his lungs. He breathed in inexplicable relief.

"Isn't that selfish? You don't even consider what _I_ want."

"I do!" Scorpius bristled. What was that silly game? "But you told me to ask–"

Suddenly, Al was right in front of him.

" _Why don't you ask for real?_ " he hissed, his eyes boring into Scorpius' own.

Scorpius gasped.

"Would there be any sense to bother? You'd lie to me anyways."

"Cause _you_ , in turn, don't lie to _me_ , eh? And who's better, what do you think?"

"No... No one. No one's better. Lying is not a good thing."

"Oh, isn't it now? So you say, Scorpius. And what about when someone's lying because they want to protect the other from pain?" Albus' eyes flickered briefly from Scorpius' own to his lips and back. "Doesn't _that_ sound familiar?"

Scorpius didn't respond. He couldn't; his throat was tight. He kept swallowing – kept trying to – but his throat only seemed to be growing tighter and tighter. As though a Devil's Snare was wrapped around his neck.

"Yeah. Everything's there, you know that? Somewhere deep... Somewhere very deep. Under all this wariness, all this resistance. _It is all there..._ "

Al's hand shot up, gripping Scorpius' shoulder.

"N-no. Al, no. What are you doing? They see us." He tore his eyes off Al's darkening emeralds and eyed the bizarre area nervously.

"No one's really there. They're too busy rushing their own lives to notice. We're too slow for them. They wouldn't even blink at us." Al cocked his head, staring at Scorpius quizzically. "Are they what troubles you?" 

Scorpius shook his head, an inexplicable feeling of emptiness occuring in him, as though there was a parasite inside him that was sucking him off feelings.

"No. I don't want you to be out there like that, is all." 

The grip on Scorpius' shoulder tightened insignificantly.

"No need to worry, Scorp. I'm going to stay here, for as long as you let me see your truth." 

"But what if someone–" 

"Don't. Forget." Al's lips twitched. "Who matters more to you?" 

Scorpius swallowed.

"Let me see..."

The raspy whisper that replaced the silky mutter resounded in Scorpius' mind; everything suddenly turned grey. Everything looked... felt... like smoke.

Then there was another hand, landing on his hip and moving slowly, forcefully, to rest on the small of Scorpius' back. The other hand was now on his nape. And trailing down. And down. And down. Until it met the other; and with each move, with each inch, with each second, bizarre sleepiness was tangling itself around Scorpius' suddenly clouded mind. His eyelids felt heavy, he struggled to keep his eyes open. But the smoke had already swallowed everything... everything seemed to have turned into a cloud of stormy grey... So why bother?

Scorpius let his eyes fall shut.

Immediately, as though everything that there was was just waiting for him to do that, something squeezed his whole body, forcing a sob of pain from him. In the next second, the smoke disappeared, evaporated or rather, turned back into shapes and colours.

The room was blue. The walls were spinning. Albus was pressed against him. Scorpius...

Scorpius just was, struggling to breathe, wavering on the edge of consciousness, held by Al. Kept in place. Almost like Al was his shield.

But a shield from what?

The pain existed _in_ Scorpius, pulsing in his body, slowly decreasing in intensity but exhausting him rapidly, like someone was drinking him dry from life.

It was terrifying.

"Albus? What are they doing?" he mumbled, his head lolling forward onto Al's shoulder.

He waited, breathed, ached. But no answer came.

Yet everything that happened from then on made his blood run faster, the overwhelming pain turning into... into something almost like... pleasure:

Al speaking, his voice rough and alive, and definitive, grounding Scorpius in the seemingly non-existent room; as were the green eyes staring into Scorpius.

"You're mine, Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy."

And Scorpius closing his eyes, letting Al devour him with raw ferocity that seemed to be burning each and every single inch of Scorpius' being.

"Only ever," falling from Scorpius' lips in a submissive confirmation, his whole being shaking with rising adrenaline.

Hands, strong and greedy, travelling over Scorpius' body, as though searching for something. Gripping roughly at his clothes, ripping them off like they were made from paper. Solid body pressing Scorpius against something... something solid as well, and oddly warm. But the body was warmer. And alive. Moving against him.

"You won't be hiding anymore. You've nothing to hide from me... Don't bother anymore, Scorpius..." 

The rasp whisper in his ear, along with the silk warmth of Al's skin against Scorpius' own making him moan mindlessly, feeling himself losing the grip of reality. Now the reality was gripping _him_ ; and keeping him sandwiched between the moving heat and solid warmth. 

"Show me, Scorp. Show me everything."

The hand grabbing his member and pulling roughly, forcing a whimper – of pain or pleasure, Scorpius couldn't tell.

"Everything..." he breathed mindlessly, not exactly knowing what the word meant in the context. His mind stopped remembering how to create thoughts.

"Every little piece of you that you've been hiding. That you're ashamed of. What are you afraid of? You should trust the world more, Scorpius. You should trust _me_ more."

Another tug, an almost painful squeeze. 

A helpless whimper.

Scorpius' breathing heavy and uneven as he tried to comprehend. A heady haze consumed his mind, rendering him _unable_. The only thing he was aware of were the emerald green eyes _burning_ into him with fire that resembled a star trying to burn inside a black hole, and the bordering on unbearable, tight warmth gripping his hard cock.

He wasn't sure _where_ he was. Who he was. What he was. Why he was.

He only knew the feeling. The presence of something other than him, alive and moving, breathing, touching... so close. Almost _inside_ him.

Or maybe... _he_ was inside that something.

The words resounded in the space around him, dressed in an insistent, familiar hiss.

_You should trust me._

_Trust me._

_Why don't you trust me?_

 

"I don't know..." 

And then, Scorpius opened his eyes. To see the darkness of the room. 

The memory of the sound of his distressed voice, a subconscious-provided reply on the dream-Albus' question, resounded in his ears.

He took a deep breath, realising that his heart was beating wildly. His shirt felt damp, his skin sticky with sweat. He pulled the clothing off and tossed it carelessly onto the foot of his bed. He didn't have the heart to worry about being tidy. 

He didn't have the heart to worry about anything; anything but what had just happened in his mind. 

He turned onto his side and just then he realised the emotional discomfort wasn't the only thing that his dream left him with in the middle of the night. He sighed, annoyed with himself. 

Stupid fucking mind. What was that supposed to be? 

Stupid dream.

Stupid body.

Stupid feelings.

Pathetic. 

Hopeless.

Senseless.

Sick.

_Bloody stupid, pathetic, hopeless, senseless, sick feelings._

Scorpius laid for long minutes, concentrating on deep, slow breaths and biting his lip almost aggressively, trying to will his unwelcomed erection away. 

He was supposed to be sleepy, for Merlin's sake, it was the middle of the night!

It had to be a miracle, but soon, maybe just several minutes later or maybe an hour, Scorpius found himself back in the lands of his dreams.

Thankfully this time no Albus Potter was involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not very proud with this chapter... plus, I think I've somehow lost the flow with writing. Eloquence's gone. Ugh. So, uhm, sorry if there are any awkward sentences or something.  
> Anyway; I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated, as always!  
> Aaand... Happy New Year!


	7. Chapter 7

Going through classes the following day wasn't as much of a torture as Scorpius could have anticipated it to be – the previous night's talk with Al, if not too satisfying, had definitely healed some pain that'd been tormenting his mind. However, it didn't necessarily mean that his ability to focus on the lessons recovered.

The previous day, he was bordering on depression after discovering Al's little "secret". Before then, he had been slowly slipping further and further down into the ocean of heartache. Today, he could quite rightly call himself a mess; there were so many different emotions swirling in him, that labelling himself as just "upset" or "excited" or "anxious" or whatever else, just wouldn't be accurate enough.

Scorpius knew that Al had been at least somehow more intimately involved with some boy. Or several boys – throught the previous weeks, perhaps.

He knew there was something that had been causing Al apparently a great deal of distress.

He didn't get to know, however, what it was and could only hope that Al would work things out well for himself. If he didn't want to reveal what was going on to Scorpius, then he had to have a good reason. After all, they _were_ best friends (weren't they?, Scorpius couldn't help but question), and Scorpius was sure that Al wouldn't throw the previous six years out the window.

Moreover, Al had said that he cared about him. And if his behaviour from the previous night was anything to go by, it was true. He had even asked if Scorpius was okay with the turn of events between them.

And Scorpius... well, he had lied and said that he doesn't mind. But the lie came from Scorpius' care about Al; so it was justified, wasn't it?

Of course it was.

But then... There was this dream.

When Scorpius had woken up in the morning, he couldn't pinpoint why, but he felt weird. Really, really weird. His emotional discomfort only increased when he first saw Al that day: flashes of memories of his dream inevitably coming back from the depths of his subconscious. 

And honestly, they weren't helping at all.

He knew that he probably wouldn't be able to recall the whole dream. Truthfully, he was in no way interested in that happening; maybe even scared a bit about what he'd discover should that happen.

Yet, the pieces of the dream that came back at the sight of his best friend – and the ones that kept revealing as the day was going by – only served to help his discomfort grow.

He started thinking quite seriously about Obliviating himself. Or taking a Memory Potion, probably, as his spellwork, he was afraid, wouldn't be the most reliable remedy to rely on.

He wasn't sure if he was mentally strong enough to endure any more experiences of the sort.

Still, he was hoping to get to spend some time with Al in the library and study together. He'd taken care to let Kaya know that Al might be joining them that evening, and was mildly surprised to see her smirk, looking at him as though she could read his mind, before telling him that she'd be in a different part of the library so that they could have some exclusive time just for them.

Despite the blush crawling up his neck, Scorpius smiled at her gratefully, deeply hoping that Al wouldn't turn out to be "busy" again.

Cause that would just be purely devastating for Scorpius' poor, crestfallen heart.

And as much as he could, all in all, embrace his emotional over-sensitivity, he was seriously done with living in emotional fog, silently pining for his best friend.

He wished he had just told Al the truth when he had such convenient opportunity the day before. Oh, really he was such a martyr...

***

When he sat with Al at the Slytherin table during dinner, the mental anguish born in his goddamned dream was still very much present. He was squirming in his seat, his mind replaying different sections of the dream like a broken record.

_"I don't want to wait anymore than necessary, Scorpius. You should decide. What do you want? What keeps you waiting?"_

_"I don't want to risk."_

He couldn't. Nearly seven years of friendship... Though it seemed to have been falling apart lately...

But he wasn't going to support the process, oh no.

_"You'd lie to me anyways."_

_"Cause_ you _, in turn, don't lie to_ me _, eh? And who's better, what do you think?"_

_"No... No one. No one's better. Lying is not a good thing."_

_"Oh, isn't it now? So you say, Scorpius. And what about when someone's lying because they want to protect the other from pain?"_

If only Al trusted him enough to reveal the source of his anxiety...

_You should trust me._

_Trust me._

_Why don't you trust me?_

He really didn't know. Maybe... because Al hadn't even bothered to tell him that he decided to discover the world of romance with other boys? 

Most likely so.

It hurt Scorpius to think about Al – the centre of his world, the object of his passionate feelings – with someone who wasn't him.

It felt somehow bad... and it was odd because he'd had many much bolder dreams involving his best friend... – not counting several fantasies, though he tried hard to keep it down, because having sexual fantasies about his best friend wasn't helping him much in the matter – but it felt bad to wish for Al from Scorpius most recent dream to be real (or at least, in some part). He _felt_ so maddeningly real in that dream; it was even terrifying.

_"You're mine, Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy._

_Show me, Scorp. Show me everything."_

He swallowed, sudden sickness gripping his stomach, unpleasant warmth pooling in his belly.

Why did he react that way this time? Was that bloody dream really so different to all the other ones he'd had over the previous years?

Apparently, it was. Apparently, the reason behind that was what preceded the dream, what had caused Scorpius' subconscious to create it.

"Hey Scorp, are you alright?"

Shaking out of his thoughts, Scorpius looked up from where he was staring at his plate to see Al giving him a frown.

He wondered how badly he was blushing, cause his face sure felt like his skin had been set ablaze.

"Yeah, just drifted away in thoughts, you know me," he said, forced to clear his throat mid-sentence for the unexpected raspiness in his voice.

Al just bit his lip.

Scorpius wished he didn't.

The sound of clearing a throat preceded the announcement, "So... With that studying this evening..."

"Yeah?" Scorpius prompted at the pause, relieved to find his body calming down.

"Um, we would start at four?" Al asked, more to confirm the correctness of his information than to ask.

Scorpius nodded, his heart filling with warm hope.

"Yes. Uhm, so you'll come?"

At the smile Al gave him, Scorpius' heart got even warmer.

"Sure. I..." He sighed. "I did miss that. Our little study sessions."

He glanced at the table and just then Scorpius noticed that his plate was empty.

"Me too. I'm glad you decided to revive the tradition," Scorpius half-joked. He didn't realise till now how much it really meant to him.

Al's eyes were surveying the Great Hall as if searching for something. Or... someone. Scorpius was about to do something that would sate his curiosity, but right then Al turned back to him.

"Finish your meal, my friend dear; you're so skinny that a stronger gush of wind could sweep you away." He poked Scorpius playfully on the ribs, making him jerk and laugh. Several heads turned in their direction and Scorpius felt a wave of embarrassment washing through him, but then, Al smirked at the people around them and waved nonchalantly and embarrassment of completely different sort occurred in Scorpius.

 _"Are they what troubles you?"_ Echoed in his head, Al's questioning voice, his quizzical stare.

Scorpius sighed. If he wasn't even able to be comfortable with Al around people now – and he used to be, before his not-purely-platonic feeling had started to develop – that meant that he had some work to do regarding his attitude towards his feelings for Al.

It wasn't that he feared the judgement of others. It wasn't a problem in the wizarding world anymore for not straight people to live openly when it came to their sexual orientation. It was just that he'd always been so closed off with his feelings for Al, so careful as to not let anything slip, that he stopped recognizing what was neutral and natural for them and what could be too much of a telltale move from him.

He had learned to keep being careful in showing his feelings, and old habits are sometimes really hard to get rid of.

But if he was going to spend the rest of his friendship with Al (however long it would last, he thought with a dreadful feeling) being careful, he could as well just give everything up already, perhaps. Maybe. Or... bravely act on his feelings and see where it would get him. Risk.

Maybe it really was worth to try and risk...

Scorpius turned his attention back to his half-full plate and chewed on his lip, forking some mashed potatoes.

His dreams never made him think so much, as far as Scorpius remembered. And he was pretty sure his memory served him good in that matter.

He was just curious now what else was going to reveal itself from his dream; what else there _was_ to reveal.

Hopefully, not _too_ much.

*** 

Soon, Scorpius and Albus were both taking their seats at the same table, conveniently shielded from curious eyes, and books were pulled out.

"Alllright," Scorpius drawled, his voice all "ready to work", his eyes sharp with intent on Al; he felt back in his element. "So I've gone pretty much through the whole thing and soon am going to revise it briefly once again, just to make sure nothing will slip. Just like always, obviously." He gave Al a wry smile. "So... where are you?"

Al nodded slowly, biting his lip thoughtfully.

"Uhm, yeah, alright, I'm, uhhh... done with Potions and Herbology, and now..." he flipped through one of his notebooks briefly. A smile bloomed on Scorpius' face at the sight of the tip of Al's tongue peeking from in between his lips; he always did that when looking through a book or something of the sort, for some reason. "Hmm, hm, hm... Charms and Transfiguration... there. Yeah, so I, uh, haven't done too _much_ here." He pursed his lips.

Truthfully, Scorpius kind of expected that Al wouldn't be far with those two subjects, as they always caused him troubles.

"I guess we're gonna start from here, then." He grabbed his Charms book and opened it in search for the right page. 

"Mhh, whichever you prefer. Same hell either way." Al sighed, resting his head on his arms. 

Scorpius chuckled. 

"Now, what an unhealthy attitude you're sporting. Remember what I always told you: studying is what you make it. So if you make it fun, it can be fun. Ah, there we go," having found the page he was searching for, he placed the book before them. "Theory first, and then we could, hmm... go somewhere and do some practical revisions. I could use that too, to be honest."

Al's gaze shifted to Scorpius and there was something so wonderfully familiar in those green, green eyes, Scorpius' heart skipped a beat. Al smiled, an interesting hint of pink on his cheeks. 

"With you, even History of Magic can be fun." He grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh, I was never good at writing longer stories. In fact, if I finish this one, it'll be my first multi-chaptered story that got finished (wow, that'd be a big thing). Anyway. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was rather boring, I know, but there's gonna be some more action in the next one. At least, according to my plan.  
> For now, I'd love to know what you think. :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ginormous thanks to my two betas, [BookofSpells](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookofSpells/pseuds/BookofSpells) and Marshview Lim!

Having Al around him more, rather than less was, decidedly, a wonderful thing, Scorpius could admit with no hesitation or second thoughts. He also had to admit, however, that it felt like a surprisingly big change to shift, so suddenly, from barely seeing Al, to being back to spending nearly every waking minute with him.

Big enough that Scorpius couldn't help but feel a tad bit overwhelmed – in a positive way, that's for sure, but also just slightly in a negative way.

As much as he was immensely grateful that, apparently, everything was back to normal between them, it did also seem too effortless – and abrupt – to be true. He couldn't help but suspect a hidden trick lying behind the bright smiles, heartfelt hugs and light words.

Because suddenly, Al was back to being almost glued to Scorpius' side, his former touchy-feely self rejuvenated – yet, there was something that felt... inexplicably _off_. And Scorpius couldn't quite put his finger on it. It was like a stolen, then returned, painting that had gotten messed up a bit in the process, yet the difference was so slight that it would require an extremely sharp eye to spot. 

And yet again he found himself unable to bring up the topic during their conversations. He believed a more-or-less serious talk with Al might be a smart idea, but on the other hand, he feared that it might open a can of worms.

Instead, he started dropping hints along the lines of, "Hey, Al, uhm, we are best friends, right, and, you know, if you need to talk about something... anything, really... I'm here for you, yeah?".

He actually told Al exactly that one evening, after they brushed their teeth and were getting ready for sleep. Aiming for casual, it came out rather strained and he spent an unnecessarily long minute fluffing up his pillow and then making sure it was placed directly in the middle of his bed's width (never mind that it would end up squished against his chest or between his knees, like most nights).

He was doing a rather crappy job for a best friend. But hey, at least he was trying, right?

"Sure thing. Thanks, Scorp." Al smiled at him softly and Scorpius thought his eyes looked unusually dark; or maybe it was just the dimness of the room.

* * *

N.E.W.T.s were inevitably approaching, and he and Al continued studying together. Occasionally, they were accompanied by Kaya, mainly because Scorpius genuinely enjoyed the Ravenclaw's company. Besides, he most certainly didn't want to be a completely crappy friend who neglects his other friends just because he got the one he cared for the most back in his life.

What puzzled him, though, was that she seemed to be slowly stepping out of his life. Once, he asked her, completely conversationally, about that, to which she shrugged and told him, kind and considerate as always (the skill Scorpius vaguely envied her), that she was never inclined to socialize much and that there was really no need to worry. He and Kaya had already agreed to keep in touch outside of school anyway.

She also made certain to assure him that it wasn't anything personal, on the contrary – Scorpius happened to be the only person she actually vibed with and didn't feel alienated around. Scorpius understood this. Aside from his friendship with Al, which was clear and established, he'd never gotten on very well with anyone else either.

So, there _was_ , after all, a good thing in Al distancing himself from Scorpius for a while: it gave him (more like forced upon him) a chance to open up a little to the bigger world, which allowed him to form a new friendship. Not that he particularly needed anyone other than Al – nothing could ever measure up to the black-haired Slytherin anyway – but it was certainly nice to have found someone who was so unbelievably similar to Scorpius.

As much as some things differed between him and Kaya, Scorpius noticed many rather eerie similarities in the way they behaved and approached life. It felt, at times, as though he was looking into a mirror, yet, he couldn't exactly understand what he was seeing.

He wondered what that said about him.

* * *

Nowadays, he would often find himself chatting with Al in either of their beds. Most of the time, Al would rest his head on Scorpius' chest or in his lap, fingering the loose threads that were sticking out of Scorpius' trousers or pyjamas. Scorpius would play endlessly with Al's hair, overwhelmed with gratitude and love and some other warm feelings, yet he couldn't help wishing they had... just a bit _more_.

This night, he was the one curled up in Al's lap. Al's fingers were so very gentle as they combed through his hair, still slightly damp from the shower and freshly brushed, sending delightful shivers throughout his whole body. He was getting sleepy, his eyelids heavy as he soaked in Al's soft voice and the sweet warmth emanating from him.

Despite it being relatively early in the evening, Al happened to be wearing the pyjamas Scorpius had given him on Valentine's Day two years ago, the ones with little ferrets all over them. 

Apparently, Al cherished them so much that he didn't want them to wear out; therefore, he only wore them on special occasions. Those were his own words – given as a response to Scorpius' timid question whether the pyjamas were really that bad, because Al kept them tucked in his trunk and rarely wore them.

Scorpius had spent the majority of the past half an hour wondering what was, seemingly, special about this particular evening. Watching the tiny ferrets lazily cavorting over the soft cotton, he was unable to contain the smile as he recalled that very memorable Valentine's Day.

_"We're bed friends, it seems, so... let these pyjamas give you ferret dreams!" Scorpius had beamed at a shocked Al, presenting him his gift, before wincing at the cringe-worthy words. "Oh, bugger. That had to be the lamest thing I've ever said in my entire life. I'm sorry you had to endure that, Al. Uhm... happy Valentine's Day?"_

_He laughed nervously, watching his friend stroke the fabric of the pyjama bottoms in what appeared to be... wait. Was it..._ wonder _?_

_No, surely Al was just amazed at the sheer and utter ridiculousness of his best friend._

_Three little ferrets gathered around Al's finger and started chasing each other._

_Scorpius was sure he was about to burn from embarrassment. What, for all four Hogwarts' founders' sake, had gotten into him when he was buying the blasted pyjamas? But then Al's face lit up in a brilliant grin and Scorpius might have melted just a bit._

_"Thanks, Scorp. It's awesome," Al said earnestly, before gathering him into a heartfelt hug, almost crushing Scorpius' ribs._

_Scorpius gasped in surprised relief, and then wrapped his arms around Al, hugging him back._

_"No problem at all. I saw them in a shop, it was completely random, uhm, not that I wasn't_ looking _for something to give you, but... And those ferrets, I mean, ferrets, ferrets in general, not just those particular ferrets... uh, they–always remind me of you, you know, so I thought it would be... a... nice gift? I know it's extremely cheesy but you always said that you like it when I'm cheesy– uhm, can you please tell me to shut up, cause I think I'm in–"_

_Next thing he knew, Al's face was suddenly close to his._ Very _close. So much so, that their noses were actually touching. He could feel Al's warm breath on his lips._

_And Al was smiling. That brilliant, gorgeous smile of his, that made his eyes twinkle like dew on the grass._

_Scorpius' entire body pulsed with something not exactly unfamiliar, but still new, in a way. His breath hitched in his throat and for a moment, all he could do was stare, wide-eyed and stunned, into those green eyes._

_"There. Done. You're welcome," Al said mirthfully, before resting his head on Scorpius' shoulder, snuggling into him again with a deep sigh._

_Scorpius swallowed and ran his hands over Al's back absently, feeling rather bizarre all of a sudden._

_"Thanks," he said, his voice cracking._

_Damn his body._

"Hey, Scorp?" 

Scorpius blinked his eyes open, Al's soft voice having pulled him out of his mind's lands. 

"Hmm?" he hummed, stretching slightly. 

"I know we've already agreed on it, but... after we finish school, you, uhm, you still wanna live together?" 

"Yeah, of course. Who else would I live with anyway?" He chuckled, although his gut felt like one big knot all of a sudden. 

It always felt natural, even though they were so young, to expect that they would spend the rest of their lives with each other. Frankly, whenever Scorpius imagined his future self, next to his job, preferably somewhere secluded where he could spend hours inventing new potions and spells, there would always be Al, and peaceful evenings spent together with him, relaxing after a long day. 

This was his ideal future, and although he was aware it might not look like that at all, he knew one thing for sure: whatever the next years would bring, life just wouldn't make sense without Al. 

Merlin, he had it _bad_. 

"Fair point, I guess. Just wanted to make sure, you know..." he cleared his throat. 

There was a hint of a smile in Al's voice. A forced smile. Scorpius could feel Al's body grow tense. 

_One of those moments where something clearly felt off,_ Scorpius thought. 

He sighed, gathering up all the courage he had, and turned to lie on his back. He stared at Al for a moment. The angle was awkward but even from this perspective Al managed to look absurdly good. 

Scorpius swallowed, feeling this unwelcomed wave of dizzying heat wash over him. 

_Don't you dare blush._

"Al? I'm sorry if– I'm pants at talking feelings and all that stuff– you know. But I _see_ that something's not entirely alright. I don't know, maybe I'm imagining things?” 

Al wouldn't look at him. 

"Just, I don't want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me." 

_Cause that certainly isn't something_ you _keep doing, eh?_

Scorpius swallowed the lump that grew in his throat, ignoring the voice. 

"I– please, Al, don't be afraid of me. I care about you, probably more than you even realise. I'm not, by any means, trying to pressure you, but... if– if there's something– anything... I'm here for you." 

He looked up at Al again. He was biting his lip, looking like he was trying to keep his emotions at check. 

_Oh no. What have I done? Did I cross the line?_

_Why is it all suddenly so difficult?_ Scorpius thought desperately. 

"Why do you keep doing this, Scorp..." Al whispered, rubbing his face with his hand. 

Scorpius frowned. But before he could ask for clarification, Al scrambled out of the bed, gently pushing Scorpius off himself. 

And before Scorpius managed to gather any words, Al said, "I'll just go to the bathroom for a minute, 'kay?" 

His voice was so soft, almost apologizing. But he wouldn't meet Scorpius' eyes. 

Scorpius just sat there, paralyzed by the onslaught of emotions that ensued, not quite able to understand what the hell had, apparently, gone wrong again. 

He was suddenly reminded of that fateful November night when he learned that Al was gay. It felt like an ugly deja vu. Anxiety kicked in and he had to focus on his breathing. 

Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, calm down, it's not the end of the world, it's just a small misunderstanding, probably, Al just needs a couple of minutes alone... 

_...while he had been spending the past few weeks nearly not leaving Scorpius' side for a moment._

Merlin, what was he supposed to _do_? Go after Al or wait for him to come back? What would he say? What if it would be awkward? _What if... what if..._

He pulled his knees to his chest. He was trembling terribly. Seconds felt like minutes. Minutes felt like hours. His heart was going to jump out of his chest, it was galloping like a wild horse. 

Everything was different. The world was different, Al was different. Scorpius was different. 

It was scary. How was he supposed to learn the world if it was constantly changing? Nothing was certain. Nothing was _for sure_. Every single moment a bunch of new monsters was waiting for him. 

Merlin, he was weak. He was so bloody weak. No wonder Al had become bored with him, now that he had come back. He must have realised how utterly grey Scorpius was in comparison to all the colourful, outgoing, adventurous people out there, and decided Scorpius was not worth the effort. 

Scorpius was just trying to understand Al. To help him. But apparently _he_ was the problem itself. 

_Why do you keep doing this?_

_This_... Why was Scorpius so nosy? Merlin, it had to be it. Al did have a right to privacy, and if he wasn't sharing something with Scorpius, Scorpius should respect that. After all, was Al digging into Scorpius' secrets? No. And Scorpius shouldn't have either. If Scorpius had secrets, Al could have them too. But Scorpius obviously couldn't understand that, and now he paid the price. 

Just why did it always have to be so huge? 

He sniffled, feeling possibly the saddest he'd ever been. Bitter tears were flowing freely down his cheeks, wetting the skin of his arms where he had rested his head. And he let them. 

He would just drown in despair again. Nothing new. Might as well get used to it. 

He was trying, vainly, not to dwell on how lovely the evening would be going had he not tried to be a better best friend than he was, when suddenly, the door to the bathroom opened – quiet but thunderous in the soundless (and, thankfully, otherwise empty) dormitory. 

There stepped Al, looking the same as when Scorpius last saw him, about ten minutes ago, but something was clearly wrong. His hair was a true mess, as though Al had been running his hand through it repeatedly and then tried to comb it back the same way. His pyjama t-shirt was damp around the neck. But what puzzled Scorpius most was his face. It was red and his eyes were puffy, a telltale sign that– 

"You’ve been crying." 

It was not a question. It was a mumbled statement. Which was completely unnecessary, but Scorpius didn't know what to do, what to say, yet he felt like saying nothing would be much worse than saying the wrong thing. 

Maybe he was wrong. 

Al looked at him, resembling a penitent kid so much that Scorpius started feeling bizarrely uncomfortable. 

And then, he sat on Scorpius' bed, elbows on his knees, at least three feet away from him, and took a deep breath. 

"I fucked up," he said, the words carried on a shaky exhale. "I fucking fucked up." 

He buried his face in his hands. Scorpius couldn't see his face, obscured by the mess of longish hair, but when Al spoke again, his voice was thick. 

"I'm so sorry, Scorp. I'm a horrible friend, I don't understand why you haven't– given up on me yet. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I tried, I swear, I really fucking tried– to make it go away, erase it, whatever, I don't know. But it didn’t work. All those guys... they just weren't _you_. I hoped maybe going out with others would… help." He released a shaky breath. "I'm so bloody sorry, I really wish I could help it, but I just can't. I've only made everything worse and you… you mean the world to me." He sniffled. "But I can't stand it anymore. It didn't go away, and now I know that it probably never will, and every single thing you do only makes me–... I– I'm just going to tell you the truth. Because you sure as hell don't deserve to be treated like that. You're such a– you're such a wonderful person, Scorp, and, bloody hell, what am I doing? I've lost my mind, it's just not working anymore because I'm so–" he swallowed audibly, "in love with you." He hissed, flinching as if someone just slapped him. 

The last two words were spoken so quietly Scorpius almost didn't catch them. He sat there, shell-shocked, at a complete loss for words, his heart literally aching as he watched his best friend's hunched form. His throat felt so _tight_ and he was almost certain he was about to start hyperventilating, again, because, _Merlin and Morgana and all four Hogwarts founders,_ was this really happening? 

"Scorp?" Al lifted his head a bit at the lack of response, not exactly looking at Scorpius. "Can you– please, can you just tell me what you think? I know I fucked everything up, I had been pretty much running away from you all that time– gods, I've wasted so much time. I've hurt you. Bloody hell, I was so wrong, thinking that I could ever live without you. And now, I've fucked everything... everything..." He sniffled, burying his hands in his hair again. 

Finally, Scorpius snapped out of his astonishment. 

"No. Al, please, don't think like that. That's anything _but_ true.” 

Scorpius' soft voice was shaky with barely contained emotions, echoing the unsteady hand he rested on Al's trembling shoulder. 

Al twitched and looked up at Scorpius. His eyes were wet and slightly reddened. Scorpius felt a pang of guilt in his chest. His best friend was so scared to admit how he felt about him? 

Well, truthfully, Scorpius was too, so it probably shouldn't be such a surprise for him. 

"How... You aren't angry at me?" Al asked in a small voice tinged with incredulous hope, staring at Scorpius like a wounded dog. 

Scorpius shook his head vehemently. 

"No, Merlin, that's the last thing I– okay. If there's _anything_ I could be angry at you for, it's the very fact that you thought that _I_ would be angry in the first place. Which... would be a horrible hypocrisy on my side, really, because..." 

He took a shaky breath, but instead of words, what came out next was laughter. Hysterical laughter. He wasn't sure why, it was probably just all those pent-up feelings coming to the surface, breaking through the dam he'd been building for the past couple of years. But laughing quickly dissolved into sobbing as he clung to Al in a tight hug. 

"You're impossible, Al, I can't believe..." he uttered between quiet sobs. "I've wanted to hear those words from you for so long, so badly... and I wasn't any better myself, I know, but..." 

He took a shaky breath, the sobbing slowly subsiding as he inhaled Al's warm scent. It was the most familiar scent yet it felt inexplicably new. Or maybe it was just his tear-clogged sinuses. 

"You– you have? But how…?" Al's hands were unsure on Scorpius' back. Scorpius nuzzled Al's shoulder longingly, like one would do with a warm pillow just before rising to leave a cosy bed. Then he gently leaned back. 

"I wish I wasn't such a coward, but I was so scared, too." He sniffled, rubbing his eyes. "I thought you were happy, I thought you found something better out there.” 

He swallowed, resting his hands in his lap, clasping them tightly together. He felt so agitated he was sure he was going to explode on the spot, but he smiled softly when Al gripped his hands. 

"I didn't want to ruin all you seemed to have had. I didn't know why you were doing it. Obviously. I was convinced you just weren't interested in our friendship anymore.” 

Al's hands tightened around his reassuringly in response. Scorpius squeezed back briefly. 

"But, Al, I love you too. I'm– I'm in love with you." He looked into Al's shining eyes, his own wide with glowing wonder. A brilliant grin bloomed slowly on his face; his head felt funny all of a sudden. "Oh gods, it feels so good to be able to say that. Finally. I'm in love with you. I'm so in love with you. I'm madly, hopelessly in love with you. I swear I've gone–" 

He wasn't sure what happened next and what led to what, or how and when, but the next thing he knew, they were hugging, clinging to each other, lying on the bed. Al was on top of him, pressing his body into Scorpius. They were laughing, teeth clicking, lips crashing clumsily. 

It was such a wonderful mess, at some point Scorpius even managed to bite his own tongue, and bloody hell, if that wasn't heaven, he didn't know what was. 

"Please, tell me it's not a dream," Al breathed as they finally broke after what felt like a lifetime. "I swear, if I wake up and it all turns out to be just another dream, I'll fucking _die_." 

Scorpius ran his thumbs over Al's flushed cheeks, gazing into his watery eyes. He imagined that his own expression probably looked quite similar right now. 

"It is a dream – a dream come true." 

His voice was low and relaxed, and it struck Scorpius that he hadn’t felt this good for a painfully long time. 

Al laughed, the sound warm like sun rays washing over Scorpius generously. 

"You're _such_ a sap sometimes." He stared fondly at Scorpius, stroking his hair in an almost contemplative way. 

Scorpius sighed deeply. Each breath felt like a new life – a gift of another couple of seconds of the life he always dreamed of. It was nothing less than unbelievable that _that was actually it_. Al was, finally, his – in the way he thought he could only wish for. But Al was really, truly his, to love freely, to kiss, to cuddle with in the most intimate ways. After all this time... 

It was true heaven, to be laying in the arms of the boy he loved. His whole body tingled in the pleasure of the loving touch mixed with the sheer excitement that was filling every fibre of his being. And Al was so _warm_. 

"So..." Al broke the peaceful silence from where he had rested his head in the crook of Scorpius' neck. "When you'd said that you didn't have anybody on your radar, you know, last year..." 

"I lied, yeah. Sorry." 

Al hummed. "We've lost some time, haven't we?" 

"We have. But now we can only make up for it and enjoy ourselves." Scorpius bit his lip. "I... You... you won't be running away from me anymore, will you?" 

"Never." Al snuggled closer into him, sighing deeply as he nosed Scorpius' neck, sending a delightful shiver down his spine. "You're all I want. You always have been. I had thought, at first, that maybe it was just because we were spending nearly every waking second together but... I don't know, it seems so much deeper than that. I've felt hopelessly lost whenever I wouldn't have you next to me, you know. Like," he swallowed, "like I was dying inside. It hurt, physically. Gods, I was so unbelievably stupid." He laughed darkly. 

Scorpius tightened his arms around Al and stroked his back, tilting his head to kiss Al's forehead. 

"To be fair, we both were." 

"I most definitely wouldn't say _that_. But I guess we both are noble thickheads who almost lost the most precious thing in our lives." 

Scorpius hummed. 

"I'm so glad you decided to be brave, after all. I felt horrible, watching you clearly in pain and not knowing how to help." 

"Honestly, I wasn't as much brave, rather, I was on the edge of desperation. Also, uhm, Lily kind of nudged me, one day. Said some stuff. I, obviously, was far too scared to even consider that what she'd said could be true. She was always, well, you know. A bit unicornish. Took me some time to come around, but I wanted to think about it, I wanted to make sure... See, that's the thing, I hadn't been thinking much at the beginning. Just did the first thing that came to my head: tried to put a distance between us. I had screwed up big time. Will you ever forgive me?" 

"I'm afraid I've already done that," Scorpius laughed softly, petting Al's hair. "I guess I'll have to thank Lily for saving us. The little hero, your sister." He smiled fondly. "Now, though, let's leave the past behind us and enjoy the moment, how about that?" 

Al grinned, slightly dazed. 

"Brilliant." 

Scorpius grinned back, feeling like he could literally move mountains. He pulled Al in and let himself forget everything but the boy in his arms. For once – and for the first time in his life – he felt free to be his completely true self. 

It was almost too exhilarating. He felt drugged. Crazy. Wild. His blood coursed through his body, setting him on fire. He felt wanted and needed and loved – when Al gripped his hair, pressed his body into him, squirming, like he couldn't get enough. 

Scorpius couldn't, either. All he wanted was to wrap himself around Al and never let go. 

Al hissed and panted, nuzzling his face into Scorpius' own and nosing his neck, like a kneazle in heat. His hands were everywhere, Scorpius' not far behind, probably ruining his clothes. Their kisses had taken on an almost desperate course. Scorpius could feel Al's heartbeat on his lips – or maybe it was his own? – as they clung to each other. _Devouring_ really was the only way to describe what they were doing to each other. 

Scorpius _wanted_ like never before. He'd spent so much time longing for that and now that he finally _was there_ and could _do that_ , he decided to, finally, throw cautions to the wind and just _let himself_. 

Because why the hell not? 

Scorpius couldn't find any reason to hold back anymore. And then–gods–Albus started thrusting his hips. And he was hard. And Scorpius was hard, too. Which probably wasn't surprising at all, but Scorpius still found it, just, unreal. 

And, Merlin, normally he would be beyond mortified by the little mewling sounds that were escaping his throat, but he was drowning, too deep in pleasure and overwhelming need to give a damn. 

Besides, Al was groaning softly right next to his ear, and Scorpius was sure he hadn't heard anything nearly as splendid before. So it was alright. This was Albus. He loved Scorpius as he was. 

Merlin, Albus _loved_ him. 

Scorpius felt like crying, suddenly struck by the realisation. How was it even possible for one to be experiencing such utter, complete happiness? As though he was never going to be any other way for the rest of his life. 

"Scorp? Oh no, what happened, did I hurt you?" 

Scorpius blinked his eyes opened, a thrill of eerie shock washing over him as the world around him stilled. 

Al was watching him, breathless and pink-cheeked, but his eyes were wide with alarm. 

That was when he realised that there were actual tears on his face. 

"Oh." He wiped them off carelessly, smiling. "No, no, absolutely not. You're amazing. I'm just my usual sappy self, because," he sighed, barely able to contain the quivering of his body, "I'm just so happy right now, you know." 

He stroked Al's face, noting how anxiety gave way to relief, then turned into that fond gaze that made Scorpius want to squeeze Al like a teddy bear. Seeing Al looking back at him like that made Scorpius' heart flutter in the most delightful way. 

And so when Al leaned in and planted the most loving kiss on Scorpius' lips, Scorpius thought he would never be able to comprehend what just happened inside him. 

Because how, just how was it possible for him to feel so absolutely content? 

Apparently, all he really needed was compacted in the form of this one boy that he was holding in his very arms right now. 

How lucky Scorpius had to be to have found his treasure so early in life? Despite the darkness he had gone through in the last couple of months, he couldn't help but think that his life was, after all, somewhat perfect. As long as he had Al, nothing seemed truly scary anymore. 

Sighing, he let himself get lost in Al, again. Their legs tangled together somewhere along the way as they rolled on the bed and kissed and laughed like the silly, lovestruck teenagers that they were. 

Red-cheeked and breathless, Scorpius ended up under Al again, Al's arms wrapped around his torso, pressing them closer together. 

At some point, Scorpius thought he must have drunk some kind of potion because the things that were happening in his head, the things he felt – it was all just so _heady_. 

He was warm, very warm, and Al was nibbling on his upper lip with such cute attention. 

And how, by the way, could those spots below his shoulder blades be so... arousing to touch? Every single brush of Al's fingers there sent tingling waves of warmth all the way down Scorpius' spine, making his prick swell in his pants, only adding to this exciting, intoxicated state. 

In the somewhat unexpectedly mindless chase for more and more and _more_ sensations, Scorpius canted his hips upwards, pressing his growing erection against Al's body and filling their kiss with tiny whines, somehow embarrassed to voice his desire but hoping that Al would get the message. 

Luckily for him, Al decided to continue on with his brilliancy. He released a low groan – gods, Scorpius was starting to get addicted to these sounds – before slipping his hand between them. Scorpius trembled in barely contained excitement as his trousers were being unzipped and pulled down his thighs. This wonderful tingling sensation spread in his stomach, filled his balls. _Whatever_ , he thought frantically, _do whatever, just, please, touch me there..._

"Ohhh, fuck, yes," Scorpius groaned, breaking the kiss and arching into Al's touch as he rubbed Scorpius' hard prick through his underwear. 

Scorpius was sure he was about to die, the pressure of Al's hand felt so, almost unexpectedly, good. 

He pressed Al's pelvis against himself, gripping Al's arse, helping him as he frotted against Scorpius' thigh. 

"Merlin, Scorp," Al gasped, sounding overwhelmed. 

Scorpius felt him, in awe himself, because, was this really happening? Was Al really so aroused because of _Scorpius_? 

"Tell me what you want. Whatever it is. Gods, I love you." 

"This... This is brilliant," Scorpius panted out. He crashed his lips against Al's in the messiest kiss yet, but damn if it wasn't just another level of sheer perfection. "Though I wouldn't mind at all if you... did more," he added breathlessly as they parted, and if his face wasn't already burning, he would most likely cover with a profuse blush now. 

Al grinned like a madman. Scorpius wanted to just bite him. He felt perhaps more than slightly crazy, too. 

"Would... _that_ be alright?" Al asked cheekily, sneaking his hand into Scorpius' underwear and palming his cock. Slowly. Too slowly. 

Scorpius couldn't help the tiny whimper, hips thrusting instinctively into Al's teasing touch. 

"You are such a bastard sometimes," he breathed, almost annoyed but not quite because something about this whole situation was suddenly so very heavy and heady and _hot_. 

He stared into Al's eyes, barely managing to keep his own opened. But it was worth the effort. If Al's eyes were dark before, now they were two black holes, sucking Scorpius in, swimming with that incredible something that sent nearly painful waves of heat throughout Scorpius' entire body. He was _burning_. 

"Faster," he whispered mindlessly, not taking his eyes off Al. 

"Fuck," Al hissed, closing his eyes, burying his face in Scorpius' neck again. 

His breath was almost too hot. Everything was almost too hot. Al's fingers wrapped properly around Scorpius' aching cock – finally! – now stroking him fast and hard, and somehow Scorpius guessed Al must have been close. His own orgasm definitely felt more tangible and less abstract than mere moments before, too. 

"Talk to me," Al said thickly like Scorpius had never heard him before. "I love your voice, you know. Always imagine you talking to me, telling me how good it feels, when I..." 

If Scorpius were in the right state of mind, he probably would have died a little inside – a _happy_ death – at the mere thought of Albus thinking of him while – Merlin – _touching_ himself. Because, gods, this whole thing was still so fresh that it seemed just so marvellous. 

However, as he was now – aroused beyond comprehension, about to come in Al's arms, _with him_ – his response was to groan and squeeze Al's bum harder. 

"I've been dreaming about this for so long–ah, yesss–wanted you so much I thought I'd die... And your arse–mhh–feels so good under my hands, I wanna–hah–bite it and see how red it would–oh gods, Al, yes, like that!" 

He must have been delirious to be talking like that, because it was nothing short of ridiculous in his book (or perhaps used to be), but apparently, it suited Al just fine. He pulled at Scorpius' cock, swiping his thumb over the slit, jerking him off ferociously, and sank his teeth into the sensitive skin of Scorpius' neck, reflexively, forcing an undignified sound out of him. 

"Ooompf," Scorpius cried, tensing, and just like that, he was coming, spilling his release all over his stomach and Al's hand. 

Before Scorpius managed to get his sense of reality fully back, Al lifted himself up slightly on one arm and started fisting his own cock, smearing Scorpius' seed all over it. 

Scorpius watched him with heavy eyes, transfixed, panting, basking in the slowly subsiding waves of his orgasm, only to be bathed in Al's own orgasm moments later, as he came all over Scorpius' stomach. 

It might have been bizarre, but Scorpius never felt more sexy. And more dirty. And more at peace. 

All in all, it was a rather interesting combination of feelings. 

With a sound that spoke of great relief, Al collapsed half on top of Scorpius, snuggling into him and purring happily. Scorpius sighed, petting his hair fondly. 

"You're the best, Scorp. Hands down, the best." 

Scorpius' grin was like a sunrise. 

"Thanks. But only second to you." 

Albus let out a sleepy sigh. 

"There's no point in arguing about that, is there?" he murmured lazily, stroking random patterns on Scorpius' chest. 

"Nope." Scorpius laughed. "And... I know I've already told you that but I'll say it again. Just because I can. And because it's true." He made a brief pause. "I really love you." 

"I know." Al lifted his head to kiss Scorpius softly. "I love you too." 

This time, Scorpius' grin was like noon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end. Finally. My first ever _finished_ multi-chaptered work. That's some accomplishment, heh.  
>  I hope you enjoyed it! And that the fluff made up for almost the whole fic worth of angst. Do let me know your thoughts, I would love to know them!


End file.
